Am I really doing better?

Am I totally a idiot for not seeing what was going on for all these years? Can I really make up for all the damage that is done? Am I even truley getting better or is that just my way of trying to make myself feel better?  These are quesion's that  I have been fighting with for quite some time now and its a sad fact that a 38 year old man has his wife tell him she has no respect for him and that there marriage might end because not only the ADHD but me personally. I dont blame everything on my ADHD but I just found out 2 years ago or so That I had ADHD and no matter what I say or do the fact is that I have shaped my life aroud the ADHD and what I call Normal for so many years has made me not only look like a total heartless "SOB", But has made me feel like there is no way to show my wife that I am really doing my best and I dont intend to go back to being that person again.  To anyone who is going though these same things I feel for you and I pray that that not only God listen to your prayers But your spouse also.