When H starts a tantrum or drama-fest, my solution is to grab my purse and leave. If I don't leave, the anger towards me escalates, even though I'm often not the reason for his anger, but I'm "there" so I become the target.
Yesterday, H had a series of annoying things go on:
1) had to drive 300 miles round trip to see his doctor.
2) The doctor runs a routine urine test to see if H's meds show up in his urine, and none showed up (this happens a lot for some odd reason). This upsets him because he's afraid that the Dr won't renew his Rxs.
3) H had problems with his cell phone. (Technology often frustrates H because gadgets are complicated and his "fat fingers" often don't press the right buttons.
4) The pharmacy took a long time to fill his Rx's.
5) When he got home he misplaced his meds for awhile, then frantically looked and found them.
6) he was angry that one of our children hadn't answered a text.
7) finally, H became upset that I wasn't upset like he was over all of these "incidents". (I've become numb to most of the things that annoy H....because they're constant. I don't have the energy to get "all emotional" over every little thing that upsets him.)
So, by about 8 pm, H began using me as a verbal punching bag. So, I left.
H is now complaining that I'm a terrible wife for not supporting him and by "frustrating" him by leaving. Yes, I guess it is frustrating when your Whipping Boy leaves.
It annoys me because he'll often start his whining by saying, "this isn't directed at you," and he'll start naming the 5-10 things that happened (separate from me) that annoyed him, but he can't do anything to THOSE people or frustrations, so he usually quickly transitions into something that he can yell at me about. And, then he'll say that I'm being "passive aggressive" for leaving (blah blah blah).
So, am I wrong to leave? Believe me, nothing that I say calms him down when he's already upset.