Submitted by cmixo on 05/07/2017.
I've been in a relationship with someone with ADHD for a little over a year now, and all I can say is that I'm tired. We've broken up and gotten back together 4 times now. It's a cycle: he gets sick of the routine we're in, he wants to break free, so he breaks up with me. Then, he misses me, and comes running back. And I take him back every time because I love him so so much, and when we're together, it's the most magical feeling ever because he's so focused on us. But I can't help thinking, will we last? Does any one else have this syndrome in their relationship and have you gotten past it? I need some hope. He's my soulmate.
Ask your self a few questions.....
Submitted by c ur self on
Is this what I want to experience for the rest of my life??
Do I think I can control or change another human??
Am I willing to accept moments of Hyper-focus (feeling special) and moments of abandonment (feeling all alone) ??
Distractions??
What other traits does he possess?? Hoarding? Time management issues? filter less outbursts?? Short term memory or recall?? It sounds obvious he has commitment issues. Is he aware of his behaviors and can he openly discuss and own his life style?? Or is he in denial and easily makes excuses for his behavior??
If you are tired after only a year of being a girl friend, what state do you think you will be in after a 30 or 40 years of being married to him??
Stay in the reality of his living of life, and do not allow any emotions to play into it....Emotions are not daily life!
Yep cmixo...You need to really really ask your self a lot of quesitions.....
Blessings
C
don't take him back
Submitted by ADHDhusbandFAIL on
Don't take him back. Well that's my advice. Being the one with ADHD and bad at relationships I understand now why a few ladies dumped me and why I'm currently going through a divorce.
If after a year you've broken up 4 times then I'd say you need to just move on. I could be wrong here, but me knowing my incomparability with most people I realize that it's a problem with me and not the other way around. That being said I think if someone is to be successful with an ADHD person then they have to fully understand what ADHD is before even jumping into the relationship.
It's a big wakeup call for people who don't realize what ADHD is until they find out 5 years into their marriage. Some people can manage and work around the issues, but to be honest it takes a special someone who really can be with an ADHD individual. If you have these many issues this early in the relationship then there has to be some major therapy or just go find someone easier to love. You don't want to find yourself 7 years from now in a divorce thinking you wasted 6 years of your life. Unless you can handle the ADHD mind then you need to get out now. That is advice from an ADHD person who has been struggling with his disorder his whole life. It's not easy for either party involved.
Good luck. Peace and love. Remember everyone has issues and the world isn't perfect.
Make an informed choice
Submitted by ArtGamer on
Even if your boyfriend didn't have ADHD, I would recommend moving on. Breaking up and getting back together 4 times in a year is a clear and undeniable sign that you are not right for each other.
Love is not enough for a partnership or marriage. You need stability, cooperation, dependability, and trust.
And then there is the ADHD. He's not going to outgrow it, he's always going to have it, and it is going to create stress and conflict throughout your relationship and for the rest of your life. You can't count on him outgrowing it or maturing or getting better.
Don't hold out with hope. I did, we reached the "happily ever after" part with everything we wanted, but her ADHD won't allow her to enjoy it. She is more unstable than ever before, it's like she is fundamentally allergic to happiness and must always have conflict. And now I know there was never a chance of it working out. You know, "hindsight is 20/20."
So read these forums and especially pay attention to all of the people like me, middle aged or older, who have spent the best years of their lives trying to make relationships and marriages with ADHD spouses work. Don't skim over or ignore the stories of heartbreak, frustration, futility, and wasted lives. Then at least if you get back with your boyfriend, you will be making an informed choice.