After being diagnosed in January 2009, starting therapy and meds while unemployed and getting a new job that year, DH is unemployed again since December. Although is ADHD is not in control, this job loss is not totally his fault. Change of leadership, wanting to cut at the top to save money, finding nits to get people to quit. DH asked for accommodations, they wouldn't and blamed him, he was advised by his lawyer to quit and file a complaint with Human Rights. That's underway.
He was diagnosed last week with depression.
Things have been getting from bad to worse at home though. Stress at work not helping granted. Arguing, lying etc... But what makes it worse is the blaming. I have been crying almost everyday for over a year now, exhausted, overwhelmed and blamed for our issues: I am not loving enough to him, not empathetic, not caring, not affectionate etc..
Then it turned into me being the reason for my own sadness: he is loving, supportive and caring to me, I just refuse to see it so it's my own fault.
Now I am emasculating him, bitchy and abusive.
This stems out of me asking for help (I'm bitchy), asking him to stick to the family budget, especially important now that he is unemployed - I manage it, pay all the bills, do our taxes etc... - (I'm emasculating him). I ask him to treat me as an equal and contribute so that I don't have to do so much (I'm abusive).
Today he's upset because I left for work, he was still in bed, and I didn't ask him how he is feeling or enquire about his appointment for his new meds.
He is also upset because this week I told him that I hate feeling this way: I don't want to go to work but have no choice and i don't want to come home but have no choice either. He is upset but tells me I am the one who needs help but 1. I can't leave my job. 2. I can't ask him for help, he is depressed I need to understand and although he realizes he could be more supportive, I am the one who refuses to see ANY support he is giving me. 3. I need to get help. 4. If only I was more loving to him, things would be better.
I am late to work again today, after crying again this morning.
I hate my life.
EDITED to add: After reading other posts, noting that the other source of arguments is this: He will say hurtful things then deny he said them and remember as a fact that he said nice things or corrected things or apologized when he didn't. He will assume I think things that I don't, mean things other than what I am saying, attack him when I am not etc... Then he will argue that I am wrong.