Friday January 14th I was served divorce papers I found out later that afternoon that future ex (he has the ADD) told our oldest son @ home that it would happen the night before. (Is that putting child in the middle?)
Not sure if the youngest knew or not, thinking not but ............
There was no information in his papers which he paid a lawyer to draw up. The date of marriage wasn't even right! According to the papers marriage was in 2001.............. that is about the time I lost weight and decided to go back to school (should have been 1981) Sons name was spelled wrong and he wants joint physical custody of the youngest (he who thought a 10 yr old is old enough to be left home alone 40 plus hours a week last summer when he returned to work). This is going to be a long ordeal as he refuses to talk anything out and his lawyer will take care of everything.
I have been reflecting on the last 29 yrs, and I came to conclusion that I actually enabled him to avoid finding out what the issue was. I would sort laundry by child each had a basket and colored hangers, outfits for school and special occasions were hung, organized bills so he could find something if he needed or wanted to, paid all the bills and only bothered him if there wasn't enough money......... don't think I need to go on. I was by his side for cancer treatments twice, multiple other health issues (pneumonia, broken ribs, severed finger ....................) open heart surgery last year and he has COPD but still smokes........ no support for me and any health issues though..........
When things got to a breaking point he would focus on making corrections til the storm had past then he would gradually go back to old habits. His coping skills were firmly in place when I rocked his world by going back to work when we had our last child. Then I lost weight and went back to school........... gone was the person who dealt with all the issues until they possible got to the point he had to acknowledge there was an issue (but I was the cause of the issue). His solution was to start putting the tasks he agreed he would to as chores for the boys so if they didn't get done it wasn't his fault.
Now he is trying to get more organized (haha) his exact words, he is still trying to control things but don't think that is going to last much longer though. And I am starting counseling for myself tonight, my goal is to get myself to a better place while dealing with the latest crisis and move on. He has moved on though he has dealt with none of the issues that led to the divorce, maybe as a single ADD person he won't have to.
I have seen in reading the posts here and see so much of my own situation over the years, wonder what it would have been like to have had diagnose 20 years ago!