anger

My husband is having difficulty really believing ADHD is part of him. His explosive anger tempers are drainign for me and my children. My son talks to me how sad he is but clams up and is unable to approach his father. The baby stats screaming or hiding when he is angry. 

Can someone be brave enough for me to cut and paste what others go through with the angry explosive tempers. He thinks his anger is normal. He finds fault with everything not done, or if I try to offer advice. Also what am I allowed to do in a marriage after the explosive tempers-can I lock the door with the children. Can I demand to speak with his therapist-the medicine is not working at all-needs diffenrent and a new therapist. Know anyone in south jersey of philadelphia? He is wiling to go for help, but does nto think it is really a problem-he says i am the reason for his frustraion-all the time-no matter what I take the blame. Not hittign me though. Another reason why he does nto see this as abuse. What si abuse? Please share what your husband does says ands how if affects the children as well-what they do afterwards so I can show him some real life scenarios. I am too drained and sick and tired of hiding this all inside can not tell anyone really. I have to do soemthing different. I am yelling now to him becuase I am so frustrated and tired of the sam silly rguments. He is takign the joy from all of us focused on his irrriations. What kinds of things irritate your husband how does he react. When they are yelling at us its it okay to yell back or am i supposed to stay calm while he carries on saying the meanest things. What are we supposed to do when put down or need to defend ourselves over unfair accusations. He does nto relaize the more we argue is the reason why we can not get anything done. Anyone in this baot-the arguments draine and prevent everythign from getting done. Then I get blamed for nto gettign things done. Thank you.