Anger and Emotional Intelligence

This is a vent. It's not here to teach anyone anything or to be informative. I'm not writing this to help anyone other than for those to hear my thoughts and why I am angry. I'm going to speak the only way I know how....and that is from the heart. In those terms....I'm not going to explain myself to anyone or apologize for the way I feel. I'm going to use terms I'm familiar with to speak how I feel about this seemingly never ending and all the unresolved issues that spring from it..... that I cannot say to my wife without upsetting her or making her angry and hostile towards me.  This inability she has is not from a lack or something....but more from an unwillingness and a choice.

And honestly....I do know what makes me angry and "What" is making me so angry in the first place. I know why. But for anyone reading this, you'll just have to get the parts that you don't understand in context and figure those parts out for yourself.  The same as I do.  I won't explain myself to you.  These are only "MY" emotions talking. And with my emotions.....come my judgments, my assumptions, my accusations and my condemnations and the conclusions that go with it.

There is no "WE" here. I'm not picking sides or speaking to one group, gender or another. I'm speaking from the direct frustrations I'm feeling in relationship to just one person, my wife and no one else. She's the only person I know well enough, to make these statements about since I don't know anyone else here or whomever might be reading this well enough to make any judgments or conclusions about them in the same way. I'm am completely without the knowledge and ability to do that with anyone other than my wife. The person I live with, deal with and have these problems with and no one else. In my heart of hearts.. I am no different than anyone else, when it comes to how I feel...and my emotions that follow. These are my feelings and emotions...and they do not extend to anyone else beyond ME.

These feelings and emotions that I am expressing....are directed solely at ONE person. It's just a vent of anger. It doesn't belong in the "slug box" because when I'm angry....I don't want to "Slug" anyone. It's just a vent. Probably the first real "vent" that I have made here on the forum. And in my mind....and vent means anger exclusively since anger is my only reason to vent in the first place. All my other emotions....I can process and deal by myself...for myself. It's what venting is as I know it and anger is the only reason to vent in the first place.  That help get rid of it. 

The anger I am feeling right a result of the frustration I feel. It's the same feeling I have anytime I feel like I'm fighting someone who I see as ignorant, mentally lazy, weak minded and has no motivation what so ever in putting forth the effort learn, grow and advance as a human being and can only see as far as the eye can see because of this lack of effort and a refusal to be uncomfortable...which narrows this right down to stupidity.

 Stupidity goes hand in hand with a refusal and a choice....not to "think" for herself, figure things out for herself, and find answers for herself. She's a smart woman and can do this. I've seen her do it countless times. Being born smart or with a high IQ is not the same as being stupid. You can be both. Stupidity and ignorance is a choice. Everyone starts out being ignorant and without knowledge. Staying that way is stupid .Anything she might says otherwise is pure Bullshit.

I'm the one with ADHD. I'm the one who has executive function challenges. I have emotional abuse in my childhood (as well) and I can think for myself and find my own answers to things....on my own. If I can do it. She can. Stupidity is a choice made from laziness and and unwillingness to be uncomfortable and from wanting or expecting someone else to do this for you. As far as I'm concerned....there is no excuse for stupidity and "Stupid People SUCK". Taken right from the bumper sticker. IMHO!!

I'm angry because my wife seems to be devoid emotional unintelligent. She is quite intelligent as far as IQ goes, but she is a creature of the moment. She is ruled by her emotions and cannot "think" her way out of anything. She appears to only be able to use one side of her brain at all times. The side where emotionalism comes from. The side where your heart lives. The side where creativity comes from. I'm an Artist...I know this side of my brain very well. It was a gift I was born with...and I'm also a Man.

She lacks common sense. The ability to problem solve and she cannot seem to "figure it out"..... without someone else to help her make a simple decision concerning anything. She seems consistently in a state of confusion and not knowing what to do....about anything. She tries to use her emotions to make decisions, to use for good judgment, to determine how she feels or thinks about anything on a cognitive level regarding making decisions that govern her life. Her emotions have control of her and she cannot see the forest from the trees seemingly ever...with no ability to use reason or critical thinking in terms of the other side of her brain. That one needed to functionally do all those things and with appears to sit a perpetual state of dormancy and atrophy from lack of use and for no other reason.  That's her fault and her responsibility and no one else can be blamed for this travesty of life.

The reason I say this is because she has proven to me that she can learn. She's just mentally lazy with no motivation to be any different. Why should she?  She has me to use to do that for her? She has this Fucked Up idea that men are suppose to do this for women and women don't need to learn these things.  This belief that men and woman are completely different in their ability to think and feel emotions is just wrong and the facts of evidence support this with mountains of research in this study.

Men and woman are different is some ways for sure. Even recent studies have proven that our brains are subtly different. There has been no proven research however....that has shown that men and women IQ levels are significantly different. None. Which means.....everyone has the ability to learn and think and there is no excuse to be made between the two genders.

Critical Thinking as defined: Critical thinking provides the crucial link between intelligence and emotions in the "emotionally intelligent" person. Critical thinking is the only plausible vehicle by means of which we could bring intelligence to bear upon our emotional life. It is critical thinking, and critical thinking alone, which enables us to take an active command of not only our thoughts, but our feelings, emotions, and desires as well. It is critical thinking which provides us with the mental tools needed to explicitly understand how reasoning works, and how those tools can be used to take command of what we think, feel, desire, and do.

No one is born this ability. No one is born emotionally intelligent from anything that I know or have learned myself in this area. It is a learned skill that requires effort to learn. Unless you have some kind of mental disorder involved... anyone can learn to be emotionally intelligent. The ability and capacity is there in all of us....the only thing stopping anyone is a lack of motivation and an unwillingness to feel discomfort and just being lazy and looking for the easy way out.  The big score so you won't need to and just avoiding acquiring this skill because it's "HARD".  Fucking A it's "HARD".  Tell me about it? 

Not doing something because it's "HARD" the definition of stupidity in my mind.  How can I say such a thing?  I have a mental disorder....and I am an emotionally intelligent person. I didn't start out that way....but I learned how to be that way through a great deal of effort, not being lazy, and a great deal of discomfort to get there. And the reason I did this despite all my challenges, what ever IQ level I have (unknown?) and the abilities God gave me along with the ones he didn' because I'm not stupid. That's the one and only reason.

Between lack of IQ, lack of talent, lack of ability and the handicaps that mental disorders like having ADHD presents me. Given the choice of having all those things and not having ADHD......I'd pick the ability to be emotionally intelligence and the ability to think critically....over all of them hands down in a heart beat. Because I'm not Stupid....and those are my feelings as to why that is. If given the choice of being a Genius level IQ or being Emotionally Intelligent.....there is only one choice to make here.  A genius...can be stupid.....and someone who is emotionally intelligent but of a lower IQ almost by definition is a whole lot smarter than a genius level IQ.

Stupid..... is a choice: from not wanting too putting in the effort to get there and the discomfort as the price you pay..... and just being mentally lazy and looking for someone to do this for you all your life as far as I'm concerned.  There's no excuse for that. no excuse for being stupid.  If you don't think I see these things in myself, or see myself as better than, or don't think I have my own areas of stupidity....think again. The only difference I see between my self and my wife, is she refuses to see them and that's what in my mind is the biggest tragedy of all and the reason why I think she's stupid many times and why I do not trust her ability for good judgment and in general....and lack of all common sense what so ever as a result of it.  That's what stupid does to you IMHO

Thank you for allowing to say what I really feel and think. It's just a vent of my unwanted emotions.  I hear this kind of thing verbalized to me all the time without reservation on my wife part.  She vents her own version of this to me while I'm sitting in the same room with her and cannot figure out what's wrong with doing that?  That's because she's stupid and I'm not. I'm doing it here instead...for all the reasons I just said.  I appreciate a place that I can go and do this.  It's just a vent of anger.....I know what what I'm feeling, what my emotions are, why I have them, what they are connected to and know the difference between my emotions and my feelings and can differentiate them mostly.....right there in the moment.  That doesn't mean I always control them... but that's a completely separate thing and a different story.

  I know what I feel, I know which emotions are which...and I can identify and differentiate between them and use both sides of my brain in order to do this which gives me the ability to process my emotions by myself. There is no confusion in mind about these things.  I am an emotionally intelligent person and I have the earned and learned ability to think "critically".... no matter what my wife thinks.  Actually....she doesn't "Think"....she uses her emotions to do that for her.

My wife is an honest, sincere and completely trust worthy person...until she her emotions start taking over her thinking process.  I trust my wife implicitly.  What I don't trust is her thought process, her conclusions that she makes and the way she arrives at those conclusions. I see and hear these conclusions and see how she got there daily.  And it verifies and confirms exactly what I just said from the very conclusions and the decisions that come from them which clearly say to me....that something is clearly missing. That is the only thing about my wife....that I do not trust...without reservation. And because of this thing why she gets angry at me more often than any other reason I can clearly see.  It's why I'm angry about it.  She thinks it's me who's missing something here.  The only thing her ability to see herself and know what she is feeling and what her emotions are and which one is which.  You need the other side of your brain for that one and she refuses to use it and keeps trying to use my ability to fill in for what she is missing and gets angry when I don't.  This makes me angry!!!  That isn't my "JOB" even if she refuses to think it isn't.