So this just happened first thing in the morning. I am 2 rooms away and I hear H say angrily, disgustedly, "My God." I walked in the kitchen and asked what was the "My God" about? He said, disgustedly, "WE HAVE 2 BREADS." I had bought a loaf of bread and he had bought a loaf of bread. Then he took the empty egg carton he had in his hand and threw it on the floor and angrily stomped on it to flatten it loudly and pointedly.
I don't know what else is going on in his mind because he doesn't talk with me about anything sincerely or intimately - certainly not about feelings. I am realizing that for all our life he has used his anger and his bigger-ness to intimidate me when he is .....overwhelmed?, hating me?, just perturbed and will be over it in a minute? planning my murder? Could this really just be about the bread?
For years I had been soothing the beast within him with my compromising, trying to understand and connect and share our lives. Now I don't do that anymore and I let his anger play out and just watch without getting emotionally involved with it. This makes home an uncomfortable place to be. A spouse cannot totally shake free of being the target of an angry outburst. Heck of a way to be married.