This is my first time that I am taking the courage to post, I am married to a ADD/ADHD person that is taken medication and pretty much affirms that he has total control of his symptoms. He just asks his family doctor to prescribe him the medication and he does self-diagnostic himself for his improvement.
We have two young kids (5 yrs and 3 yrs) and he assures me that the oldest one has ADD also.
I no longer can communicate with him and I am very angry and frustrated about my life with him. I catch myself yelling and mad at early morning until night time. My kids are getting out of control by not listening and throw tantrum everywhere including at school by throwing themselves at the floor and kicking their shoes off. At meal times they refused to sit down and they just keep the food inside their mouth and the whole process can take up to 1.5 hrs. At this point I already completed lost my patient with both of them so I time them with the kitchen timer during meals and I am very mean and my husband are accusing me of verbal abuse to my kids and that on this rate by the time the kids reach their teen years they will walk away from me and I will be by myself.
I lost my job at the beginning of the year and still have to come up with money to pay the bills which includes the mortgage, part of the health insurances, my car insurance, utilities, grocery, gas (when the family is out, we always use my car) kids clothes and toys …prior to this year he was the one that took care mostly of the finances payment and now I found out that he is in debt in his credit cards and many bills were unpaid. By now I used up all my saving to cover the bills and he wants me now to use the kids saving.
We had tried couple counseling for about 2 years and it didn’t work because I felt she was accusing me for not being supportive meaning letting him go on his hobbies venture whenever he felt like and that I shouldn’t be so concerned about hygiene’s on my kids (we had major fights about cleaning the kids teeth, when the oldest was 3 years and she would fall asleep in the car he used to put her in bed without brushing her teeth and as a result as a 5 yrs almost all her teeth has cavity and I am still paying her dental procedures now). Yes it was easy for her to say that it is okay not to brush the kids’ teeth but who has to pay the price now? Not her or her kids for sure!!!
I do not get support from his family that lives overseas; they think that he is my problem only because I am married to him. I am feeling that I am all alone in this and that as each day goes by I hate him more than anything in this world. I know I battle depression after the birth of my second child and now I take SamE daily and exercise one hour for at least 5 days a week but I now think of killing myself constantly because I can't deal with him anymore. Our marriage no longer exist, he sleeps in the sofa 5 times out of a week and sometimes he doesn’t come home until early morning, when I get mad and start yelling he looks at me and tells me “I don’t care and nobody cares” “You are my life sentence and if you leave then I might get a chance for parole” “You are a failure as a wife because you are not caring, loving and supportive” “you are only good at verbal abuse”.
I don’t believe in divorce because in my mind I will forever be bound together with him because of our kids so for me only leaving this world will give me relieve of not dealing with him anymore. I don’t have support of family or friends no one believes/know about ADHD/ADD. He tells my family that I only knows to verbal abuse my kids and I am not a good mother so I see no point of going on but still part of me can’t leave my kids on his care only. I don’t know to get help, I can’t afford individual counseling anymore ( did for 2 years before when I had a job) and he won’t go to counseling himself because he affirms that he doesn’t need only I need it.
He says that he doesn’t want the divorce but that he will never support me financially and that he will never take care of me again.
What should I do? I am scared for the next month because I have no way to pay the bills and I don’t know if he will have money from his jobs…I am maximizing everything on my credit card already and I can’t walk away from the house mortgage because the loan is under my own name…I know, I know…I am pretty stupid (that is what my mom told me).
Does anyone have a similar feeling dealing with their spouses?