Angry to hopeful to resentful to rage

I have been pretty hopeful in the past weeks things were starting to get better.  My husband was given Ritalin without the diagnosis he says and it helps but I can't seem to let go of the rage that has built up over the years.  I go from 0 - 120 enraged over even the littlest things. Today I am in full rage and I hate it.  I just want to be happy and enjoy my life but I feel the the kaos that surrounds me is stifling.  My husband has anger outbursts that are scary, well they used to be anyway now I challenge him.  He remembers none of what he has done or said so he is never to the point he feels bad but he will turn every single incident around on me which is such a blast!  He is the "victim"  whatever.  I don't go for the blame thing I just want a working solution but with him everyone is the blame but himself and he has a million and 1 excuses for everything.  Sometimes he yells at me because he is mad at himself.  If anyone can figure that one out let me know. He completely ignores me always on his phone texting or his computer.  Always says it's work but he also lies A LOT so who knows.  I used to care and snoop now I am like whatever.  He is always late, forgets everything. needs to constantly be mothered which he refers to as "teamwork" makes HORRIBLE decisions that I have to live with. It is never a good time to talk something is always more important and he only hears me if I bitch and nag.  I hate who I have become my self-esteem is at an all time low.  Mostly because if we do go out with friends he always picks apart my behavior and tells me how I humiliated him usually when i am drinking. Then proceeds to overexagerate what happend to the point I have isolated my self from most of our friends and neighbors.  I am learning now he has actually made stuff up to make me look and feel worse.  He once told me all his friends thought I was a "f'ing B" lovely and another time his friend took something I said out of context and I got yelled at for it - long story but it was bad.  I am pretty much no longer friends with any of his friends.  I stay home with my kids 2 and 4.  I had a creeer but had to give it up and turn down a promotion so he coulk take one of those "If this pans out I'll make a million" deals.  Were on the 5th one of those now in debt and stuck in this cycle of what I feel like is Hell.  I swear I am not a bad person.  I used to be fun, funny, the life of the party a friend to all and as supportive as can be.  I used to be loving, affectionate all those wonderful things now I am cold, angry, can't stand to be touched well except by my kids and crave positive attention of any form but am so insecure I am constantly replaying every conversation in my head to make sure I didn't do or say anything.  It's exhausting.  I am at a loss.  I really am.  I could go on for days so I better stop here.  I think everyone knows the traits of an ADHD husband and how lonely and angry it can get.