Angry Scared & Frusterated

Where do I begin? My husband of almost 2 years has a terrible temper, takes a simple conversation we are having and turns it around that he thinks I am attacking him and trying to start an argument when I wasn't at all. He then gives me the silent treatment and runs off to go to his dad's house in the valley and proceeds to talk to his ex girlfriend the whole way over to his dads house and I found out this morning he has talked to her all the way back too. I have texted him several times saying "I love you and did you have fun'? and he has not replied to me at all. Yet I can see on our cell phone account that he is still texting his ex girlfriend this morning.

He flys off the handle for the littlest things and turns it around to make it seem like I am at fault for things he does. If I ask him to do something like take the trash out or something or please fix the pickup he says I am nagging. He is a bad alcoholic and lies to me all the time. He says hes going to quit drinking then he goes and buys beer, goes to the bar and comes home drunk, then he is way way awful to me to where I cant be in the same room. He is very controlling and has so many anger issues. He treats me so awful I cry a lot. If he catches me crying he says for me to stop blubbering and stop looking for pitty.

I have a lot of health problems and now im having stomach problems because he cause me so much stress. Im afraid ill end up with an ulcer. When we first got married, I had no Bills, all my cards were paid off, well he had bad money problems, (I didnt realize how bad till after we were married and I was living here) and he insisted we use all of my credit cards to catch up on his back bills. Now all my cards are maxed out. My health is to bad to work and that leaves him with making the money. Sad things is, there have been days that he just didnt want to work and stayed home. Now we are behind on paying bills and he says he doesnt care if checks bounce. 

I have cried so much because I do love him and he can be sweet and kind but lately he is acting like he is ADHD and BIPOLAR. The funny thing is, because of how he acts and it makes me cry, he is going around telling people that I am BIPOLAR which is FARRRRRRRRRRRR from the truth. He is the one who screams and yells, throws things, breaks things, and flys off the handle at the drop of a hat. I just dont know what to do. I have had people tell me to leave him, but I have NO MONEY at all since my cards are maxed out and no place to pack or put all of my stuff. We just bought a house a few months ago and just got all my stuff out of storage.. I dont feel safe at all. I feel like im not safe to unpack all of my things. With him screaming, yelling and cussing at me, and now hes talking to his ex girlfriend and has ignored my text messages I have no idea what awaits when he comes home. More then likely he has stopped at a bar or somthing and still talking to his ex girfriend. I had been married before to a very abusive man and when I met my current husband he gave me all the sweet talk, he said he would treat my like a queen and that I never have known love till I come marry him and so on so on. FAR FROM THAT!!! I do all the work around the house, he never lifts a finger to help me, he never brings me flowers or even a card. He doesnt like hugging and even sex is the worst! Its always wham bam thank you mam! Even if I am sick or in pain, he makes me take care of him and I dont get anything out of it. Right now its been over a month since we have had sex together. He made me take care of him several times this month but he ignores my needs. How do I deal with all of this? I have knot in my stomach not knowing how he will act or treat me when he gets home.......

You are in an abusive

You are in an abusive relationship. It may vary from your first, but you are in one all the same. It's definitely emotional and verbal abuse. I couldn't discern from your post if he has ever hit you, but if he has, all the more reason for you to get out.

Do you have any friends or family that you can move in with? You absolutely need to get away from this man. I'd wait until he goes to work and have your things taken back to storage and be gone. I've seen what alcoholism can do to a marriage, even when the husband is not physically or verbally abusive. It's not pretty. There's no trust, for one thing. Hopelessness, fear of what happens if he goes too far, etc.

I'm not even sure if ADHD is at play here. This guys just sounds like a manipulator. He knows how to get the women and then once he gets them, it's a done deal. He's trying to manipulate you through fear (his raging fits) and jealousy (his conversations with the ex). In any case, he needs to evaluated by a psychologist. You didn't mention whether or not you wanted to save your marriage, but I would tread carefully. I'm not a proponent of divorce, but get away from him at least temporarily, and then if he chooses to get help from AA and Dr, then continue to live apart and get marital counseling. But some MAJOR changes need to occur before you even consider going back to him. And if you do get away, don't let him sweet talk you back. It sounds like this is his MO. Get away and focus on yourself, get some healing, and then worry about whether or not this guy is worth spending the rest of your life with. You deserve better than this.

Best of luck.