I was just reading through some old posts and came across some about tantrums. The posts were about tantrums the person with ADD throws. However, when I read some of them, they sounded like they were describing me! I am the non-ADD partner, and I find myself sometimes - and lately, I would say often - getting to the point where I "snap." I find myself yelling furiously at my wife, leaving the room and slamming the door behind me, going back into the room and yelling some more, leaving again, feeling like kicking or throwing something, shouting the F word as loud as I can while I pace back and forth not knowing what to do with the anger I am feeling. The thing is - I NEVER acted like this before! Well, that's not true - I sometimes acted like that years ago when I was in my 20s (I am now 54) when I was drunk. I am an alcoholic and got sober when I was 38 - over 15 years ago, and I haven't had a drink since. But it's only recent that this behavior has reared its ugly head again, and I don't quite know how to stop it.
I know these tantrums happen when I feel unheard, invisible, and "wrongly acused" by my wife. Mainly they happen when I feel like I am just not getting through to her. I know I say things that are hurtful, and I always feel terrible that I let myself get to that state. And then I find myself thinking "I don't need this. If this is what marriage is going to be like (we've been married 6 months) then maybe I made a mistake. I can't live my life getting angry and fighting all the time." I've been thinking it's something about my wife that is causing me to get so angry, and so the solution that comes to mind is maybe I need to leave the marriage. But I don't really want to do THAT. In reading through some comments, it sounds like I really need to address my anger issues. I read The Dance of Anger years ago, and I remember it helping a lot. Maybe it's time for me to read it again.
Anger
Submitted by rpayton1215 on
I try to avoid the impending anger by trying to put up a boundary, and my ADD wife will not stop acusing me of things that do not exist. She says she wants to talk, but she only listens to her own point of view. Her defense begins as soon as I open my mouth and she goes on and on with the same false perceptions. I find my self getting angry because she continues on when I am already under stress and pressure from other things. She is not sensitive to what I am going through and is overfocused on her feelings, even though they may be about things that are ready not happening. Divorce is not an option in this economic climate, neither is living together under these conditions.