For years, my sister, to me, has been so chatty that I hardly get a word in. By the time she takes a breath, we are off topic of what I might have responded to earlier in her monologue. It sometimes makes me edgy. Yet, the other day she said something to me that has me thinking, she said, our older sister is not supporting her in her new widowhood the same way she supported our oldest sister through "entertaining her with talking".
It never occurred to me that she thought of that as entertaining to the person she was chatting on. I had thought she talked on and on because she was nervous and uncomfortable with silence between sentences - filling a need in herself.
Now, this idea of talking to entertain is intriguing to me. I can be quiet and comfortable with stillness...I need it sometimes. I talk to learn and share ideas and events and plans. But, I also am aware that I have low energy when it comes to relating to people and I tire of small talk after an hour or two.
I am now weighing the value of chatter. I will call it "keeping up a stream of loving thoughts that transcend" us from our worries and doubts and emotional fatigue. And here is why I am entering this on ADD page. I believe that one of the attractions to my H long ago was his ability and practice of chatting a racy distraction when I needed it. I tend to fume and fuss and feel and over think. He would DISTRACT me pulling me out of my obsessive negative thoughts. He teased. I hate that now but at the time it was a technique that pulled me away from that existential angst I sometimes swam in.
When my granddaughters get on a "poor me", "life is scary" tangent, I talk about it briefly and then change to some lighter topics. It is an effective way to get them back from their demons. But it is a short term solution for the moment.
"Louis C.K speaks about is that thing, the big empty, the awful feeling of being alone and powerless" This is a whole other topic. One that curself could address quite well I believe. He is the voice on this forum who I appreciate does speak of a loving creator who fills the yearning for fulfillment in us.
But what do we do when we feel we "need" other people and there seems to be no one around for us to fill the big empty? When I was a child, I did not have existential angst. NEVER! I spent Sundays in church and there was prayer everywhere and I dwelt in the spiritual arms of a loving God. Now as an adult I struggle to know what Faith and Spirit mean to me as many of us do these days. H's humor was helpful when I was young. But I and my granddaughters need more than short term chatter to fill us in the moment.
A short term chatter and a long term belief in faith. So, those "streams of loving thoughts and assurances that transcend" are soothing as a mother's tones and hugs. We want them and most of us do not get them. And for most of us, this does not come easy to provide. Spending time in a church where there is LOVE talk, rather than rules and fear talk is, for me, one of the answers. Spending time in yoga, meditation, art, work, volunteering....these are things that keep us sane. I will add talking as another one.