Submitted by squirrel on 02/18/2014.
What is this constant pushing thing? Its like he mocks the tone of my voice mocks what I say or do...even mocks my 8years olds voice??? When I tell him he is pushing me. I try to explain he is crossing the line. Like too much poking fun sarcasm mocking like hyper mode. I ask him to stop he keeps going. Or says ok I will stop then turn around do it again for the last 2 days. We do havw alot going on right now and are separating actually. ...but this is all after telling me he loves me and is trying to fix himself etc...then jumps back to hyper child jerk mode like a kid trying to piss off his mom! The most frustrating thing. Brings me to tears and makes me feel like I a goung crazy! How do I deal? How do I not let it make me crazy and hate him? Why does he have to make me look like the over sensitive mom? I miss when he used to funny...now its just annoying and crazy making
Looks like fun from the outside
Submitted by jennalemon on
My dh once said, "Everyone has a little imp inside of them."
This admission tells me that he knows what a hyper child jerk he acts like. He likes his imp-hood. I think he is even a little bit proud of his brilliance/rebelliousness to give himself permission to be this way. But it is difficult to trust, honor, partner and respect someone who is happy to define himself an imp: a mischievous child, a rascal, monkey, devil, troublemaker.
It is immature to be sarcastic and teasing. I am sorry, squirrel. We are married to perpetual boys in never-never-land.
Ya he seems proud. I just
Submitted by squirrel on
Sticks and stones..
Submitted by sunlight on
.. may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
I think this kind of behavior is attention-seeking. His brain gets stimulation from getting a rise out of you or causing conflict. So - remove the oxygen supply. I would just say quite clearly that you are ready to continue the conversation when he can be civil. If he doesn't stop within 5 seconds repeat it and walk away. Every time.
He does seem to get a rise
Submitted by squirrel on
Because he can
Submitted by sunlight on
You've mentioned above that he's not taking meds and what you're describing does sound like untreated ADHD with an impulsive component. He really may not be able to read the social cues and his brain is seeking stimulation constantly, constantly, constantly. He does know that he can't get away with this behavior in some circumstances (ie he can't continually tease his boss without getting fired so he learns not to do it) but in general he's having trouble navigating the social world of other people. And if you explain it to him, so that he gets it for 5 minutes, then 5 minutes later his brain is defeating him and he forgets. But he can learn the rules if you consistently and firmly tell him that you will not accept it. Don't get into long conversations about it, that just gives his brain more opportunities to grasp onto stimulus. In an unmedicated state this may be harder to do than otherwise, but he can do learn that he is simply not to do it and that every single time he does then you will swiftly curtail further interaction. It WILL drip into his brain. From your point of view you don't really care how he rationalises to himself that he has to stop doing it. You can discuss that with him after he's stopped, right now the aim is just to stop it. We don't know him of course, so I'm only going from your description and seeing similar behavior in my husband's family. You mentioned that you're separating so maybe the whole question is moot, but if you were staying that is what I would do. He sounds like a good candidate for meds, his brain is screwing with his social interactions and it probably is not something he can consciously control.
Does this with the kids
Submitted by boilergirl on
My husband does this kind of thing with my kids. (ANd they are 8 and 6!!!) he will say something that bothers them, then keep saying it after being told to stop. by them. He thinks it is funny. Also, he will ask "Come sit by me" while watching a movie. They decline, and he will not let up: "Come on, please?" It is pretty said when your 8 year old tells you dad is acting like a kid.
Submitted by Berlie66 on
Yes my ADD husband does this to me and his daughter as well................knew something was wrong with him long before diagnosis. Even on Adderall now he still does stuff like this so I don't know what changes that part of behaviour, personally I believe he has something else!!
Mocking behavior in front of friends
Submitted by Shonshon23 on
My ADHD partner thinks it's funny to mock me in front of friends and family, but it hurts and even when I tell him this he still does it. We have 2 children under 2 years old , our relationship is already hanging by a thread yet he continues to do hurtful things.
Oh my god YES!!! WTF
Submitted by HopelessinLA on
I can't believe sometimes how he acts. When he's furious, and we are arguing, he'll mock my voice, make me sound like a dumb shrill ditzy person (i'm anything but.) and it hurts. It makes me feel like that's how he thinks of me. Like he has so little respect for me, that he associates me with that kind of stereotype.
We are going to an AMAZING ADHD therapist (seriously, ADHD Specialists in Encino for anyone looking) and it has helped me understand so much. IN our case, I'm an eldest, and a parentified child. He's a youngest and acts it. Coupled with his ADHD, i think his family, who are amazing and wonderful people, every single one of them, gave him his way because it was just easier. Hell, i find myself doing it too often as well. He throws tantrums like a brat, and i am in shock someone could act like this, especially as an adult.
I'm so weary of all of this =\
Is it a control thing?
Submitted by ThisIsMyLife on
My wife does this, but only in front of certain people. She seems to enjoy hurting or angering me. Physical insults, which I would never do. Then if I lower myself to that level she won't speak to me for days. Although I would say that I am quite sensitive myself and I get quite angry with people who say things that I wouldn't. I rarely trade insults, I would just drop that person as I don't need that type of person around me.
The other thing she does is tickling or running her hand down my face, placing things in front of my face when I am watching TV. I have told her that tickling is something I hate. I mean I hate it, in that the sensation angers me. She still does it then is surprised that I end up physically restraining her.
It makes me feel like she has no respect for me.
I can see her start to do these things with my 3 year old too. She is overly correcting his speech. I can see him getting.annoyed.