Another Meeting Missed

DH has once again, pulled a no-show for our daily meeting.  Not sure what the hell is going on.  Yes, Im still hurt about his behavior the other night, but I have still remained available to him (phone calls to him, tried to attend our counseling meeting this morning but the counsoler didn't show - seems DH forgot to call and schedule the appointment (so its now been 3 full week without a session). But his isolating behavior is still in full force - eats and then retreats to the bedroom with the door closed.  I don't understand - he admitted how much he looks forward to our daily meetings - so why is he not showing up?  Could I "remind" me that its time for our meeting? Sure - but I gave that up along time ago - Im not his mother and Im not nagging. He knows how to read a clock, he knows that I am here for the meeting.

I know it feels like adding

I know it feels like adding yet another thing to our already overwhelmed and overloaded plates, but I would remind him. I know that for many spouses, having to remind their ADDers of anything is pretty much asking more than they simply have left to give...but since part of ADD is to 'forget' and 'procrastinate' and 'ignore' important things, then I would just do it. I know it makes it feel like the marriage is less important to him, but this is time for YOU...time for YOU to get things off of your chest. This is just something I feel strongly about...not letting them 'slack' when it comes to counseling and important parts of the treatment process...and the healing process as well. Should you HAVE to remind him? No. But until the marriage is in a healthier state, I would. That's just me.

New years resol

Yes, I will remind him tonight. I am here when he is ready to talk. I will work at reminding him until we are in a better place (again).

Its so hard to understand that we had made progress (with the daily meetings, counseling and still working on the date nights) and now we are right back to square one!

results or not so much

So I reminded him about the 9pm meeting - he agreed to talk. But he did just the opposite. More avoidance to questions- answers were "I don't know why" "I don't know". Abt the most that came from meeting was this: he feels that its time to space out of counseling meetings - that he doesn't see much benefit from the counseling. "That yes, we have been "off" of our meetings - so maybe 1 month of counseling to get back on track and then wean off."  Also, that he feels the med's are causing his anger and that they are of no benefit for him.  And that med's are his choice and his choice alone about weather or not he will take them or not.  He believes that diet and exercise will be his course of action in dealing with the ADD. 

Needless to say, not the way I wanted to start off the new year. I have been upset over our "conversation" since last night (same old feelings of hurt, hopelessness, being shut out,ect) but I am trying to overcome those feelings.  I need to make more changes for me (and the kids). I need to get my head clear and start working on ways to improve my life (with or without him).

Here is something; I have no longer been asking/waiting for him to take care of things that he normally would have.  I am tackling things (and successfully completing them) that I feel husbands would take care of (things that he used to take care of) and realizing that I can do those things. I don't have any idea of how he feels about that - he never mentions it. Do I care? Maybe...

Anyway, the eternal rollercoaster is in motion again....

 

 

Once again, DH had an

Once again, DH had an explosion over "NOTHING". He was completely in the wrong. I approached him with questions about how he was feeling (I don't know) - so I asked him to explain to me what happened. I was one floor away and heard the loud portions of the arguement.  Funny enough he didn't admit to his yelling or the fact that the other person asked him 4 times very calmly to "calm down - you don't need to get so mad". After calmly discussing what happened  - the topic turned to us separating.  I mentioned that living in this envirnoment its healthy and that maybe we need some space - time for him to get his head together. Of course his reply was "well maybe we should"  and I agreed with him. I told him that I and the kids love him but we don't want to live with this behavior. I realize that this is the ADD and not him. But this behavior is not healthy and that I need to do what is best for me and the kids - and that I KNOW that is what HE would want and expect me to do.  He was quiet and then said - "We just need to keep working on it" When I asked him to clarify - he couldn't. Then he said that he needs time to think about it and will have an answer come the 9 pm meeting tonight. The kids and I left the house for a few house (just needed to have some space) came back and he left a voice mail message - he had gone to work and would be back for our meeting.

Oh, he did admit that he hasn't been taking his prozac for over a week now. But yet, he insists that the med's are making him behave this way. 

I get that he doesn't like the med's - okay fine. But then there has to be another course of action to use to fight the ADD. I'm scared that he will go off the med's and life will continue into a downward spiral.  He truly believes that he doesn't need the med's and will be fine with just diet and exercise.  I don't believe that he is at the point, where he should be off of meds.  If he had been made progress and had maintained that progress and we were in a good place - then yes, under the right conditions and rules.   But with his perception of reality already clouded (he ALWAYS thinks he is right; he will say things that do not make any sense (or are lies)  but he will defend those words to the very end as though they are gospel- I'm worried that once completely off meds he will never admit that he needs help.

Any thoughts and/or prayers are welcome.

 

Off Med's :(

My husband must be in the same ADHD could. Read my posts if you have time. He went off his in August the results are as you fear. (He has unless he cancels) an appointment to see the doctor and councilor 1/25 but has said he is closed to taking anymore stimulates, but would be open to a no-stimulant...no guarantees though. He feels he doesn't need any that exercise and vitamin E is all he needs, the sad part is I think it will take him getting on the right med. to see though the cob-webs for the need. Thanks for reading, feedback and prayers needed.