Approaching 9 years...

Hello All,

My first post was about 9 years ago. I had just met my soon-to-be husband and began the process of eagerly immersing myself in "all that is ADD".

It's been nearly 9 years, and we're still married.

I love him dearly, yet can absolutely relate to NEARLY every heart-wrenching post.

I must qualify by stating that: 1) I was informed of my spouse's ADD prior to marrying him, 2) researched the hell out of ADD prior to our nuptials, 3) am a counselor with over 25 years of experience,  AND 4) consulted Dr. Hallowell, with my husband, for at least three sessions about 7 years back.

It's been hard, and frankly, NOT much has gotten easier. I will concede to Melissa O. that, yes, we've absolutely had lovely moments. I adore being part of a team--always have. I'm also a big fan of the cognitive therapeutic models. (I know...I know..It's not 'what' people DO, rather 'HOW' we perceive/respond...)

Many close to me would also argue that I'm happier now than I was as a single 38 year-old in NYC!

Recently, however, I've had a few serious wake-up calls related to my health. (I'm 48, so this is when stuff starts to happen to some of us...) Coupled with what I suppose, are normal mid-life issues, a complete re-evaluation of what I have gotten myself into has occurred.

In the past, I was a pretty good patient facilitator and willing "fixer". Not so much at all anymore.

Here's  the thing:

I love him in the sense that I feel tenderly and protective of him.

We have sex 5 or so times a year-- for the past 8 years. This is no joke. I have been faithful, nonetheless. I'm neither proud or ashamed of this fact, but more than ever, desire a need to be free of this weirdness.

While C. has made progress from when we first met, I was NOT wholly prepared to take this on for a lifetime.

I DID NOT realize the effect this would have on me this far down the road. I thought I could manage it. I knew as a Counselor, I could not fix it, but believed I could manage it. I can't anymore.

Now that I'm facing my own health and developmental issues, I no longer have the patience for all of this.

I have actually begun to believe that my husband is slowly killing me. More sadly, I think he is oblivious to this at best, and just doesn't give a shit, at worst.

I have given him a time line, replete with multiple suggestions to attempt to get things back on track. He is ignoring my feelings and is under the false impression, that, because I love him, I'll never leave.

This whole state of affairs is so very sad.