Are these traits common in relationship with ADHD??

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years.  He has 3 kids and I have 2 kids and we have one son together.  We live together and split custody with our ex's.  We have a rollercoaster relationship.  We get a long great at times and we both feel so close to each other and very happy.  Then he says or does something very hurtful and we go down-hill for however long it takes us to reconnect. He is very sarcastic and likes to say things to get a rise out of me.  Sometimes I know when he is doing it, and other times the things he says are very hurtful and I'm not for sure if he means them or not.  His comments sometimes include ripping on me physically, or saying something about another girl, or anything else he can think of to mentally confuse me.  If I get hurt or upset by what he says, he says I should know him by now and know when he is joking and when he isn't.  For the first two years of our relationship he rarely worked.  The money he did make would go towards fun things like golf or fishing or drinking.  I paid all of the bills and took care of whatever we needed for the kids..presents, food, clothes, ect.  Now he is getting on his feet and works again.  He is a salesman.  He is very good with people and is also very handsome, so he is successful.  I am very proud of him for how hard he is working now.  I am do daycare at home, and also take care of our kids.  He seems to really like having me here at home.  He knows where I am and I can take care of everything here.  He doesn't like being at home much because of course his ADHD makes it hard for him to sit still for long and he likes to be doing things he enjoys.  He sometimes puts thoughts in my head about women hitting on him at appts, and his secretary being good looking and how he thinks she has a crush on him.  He tells me she is pretty, but that I have nothing to worry about.  I know that he was unfaithful to me early on in our relationship, but he has earned back "most" of the trust he lost.  The only thing is that his comments make me wonder, and I know that he needs a great deal of attention and needs to feel wanted.  It always makes me hurt and worry about what he may be doing or may do.  He is very good at lying, and I never really know if his hurtful comments that he swears he is joking about are true or made up.  Its hard to always have to be on alert and wondering.  I realize this is all part of trying to control me and my thoughts.  He doesn't want me to get a job, I believe its because he likes knowing I'm at home and that way he doesn't have to worry about me.  When it comes to our 9 mo. old son, he isn't much of a father to him.  He gives him a few hugs and kisses each day, but he doesn't take care of him really at all.  Its hard for me when his girls stay with us because I see how much he does do for them and how good he is at taking care of them.  His two year old daughter is everything to him.  He dotes over her and tells her constantly how much he loves her, how she's his buddy, how she's awesome, and on and on and on.  Its literally non-stop.  I wish I wasn't jealous, but I am.  I want to see and feel that closeness for his son that we have together.  I hope it comes as the baby gets older.  I know he loves him, but he just doesn't seem like he has connected with him yet.  He hasn't asked me to marry him yet, although he has said many times that he is going to.  My birthday is coming up in two weeks, and he has made mention of doing it then.  I want to be with him forever because I do love him very much, and as I mentioned, the good times we have together are very good, we have a lot in common, and we have a baby together.  I don't want to split up another family.  I know that if he doesn't ask me to marry him, I will feel let down and sad and wonder what is wrong with me and try harder to please him.  I feel like I try and try and try to be a good girlfriend, but its just never good enough.  As soon as I get upset with him and tell him how I feel about how he is acting, he gets very distant.  When we do argue, he gets very upset, swears, calls me names, sometimes if we are drinking it gets physical.  I don't back down, I have probably given him more bruises than he has me simply from trying to get him off of me.  Are these things that I'm describing typical of a relationship where there is ADHD or ADD involved??