The arguement ended with. . . . . . me again

While reviewing the list of our debt, my ADHD spouse decided to hone in on his opinion of the reason we are in debt is the balance we still owe for my new dental partial.  He then proceeded digging into the past to REMIND me that my bad teeth were caused by my eating disorder - which I have been free from for OVER 20 years.

Funny. . . .for all the years I thought ALL my dental problems were caused by eating disorders, I recently find out I had bad teeth to start out with, and though they were impacted by the eating issues - I ALWAYS HAD bad teeth.  My 23 year old son has bad teeth, which he inherited - this info came from our dentist -  from me.  No amount of brushing and flossing and fluoride treatments and dental visits every 6 months keeps the cavities away.   

It's not about my teeth. - But that's where we ended up, with the focus off the issue at hand , and me feeling the BLAME was placed on me.

Oh, I know better.  But gotta say, that wound inflicted with those words was a painful one. 

Gotta scrap myself up and get out of this spot of  hurting.  I am sooooo tired of this.   

 

 

 

I'm sorry that your husband

I'm sorry that your husband did this.  It's difficult to talk about and work through problems when you know that your partner will usually turn away responsibility and deflect blame onto you.  It both makes the conversation painful and results in no progress on dealing with the actual issues.  

ALways blamed

I have had 15  years of discussions with my husband that have ended in blaming me for anything that goes wrong. Events or circumstances from years ago are dredged up over and over and thrown at my feet as proof that I am a despicable person. I call them spiral arguments. They begin with one thing but always end with blaming me. Although I feel empathy for you, I haven't yet figured out how to keep this from happening. I know, it really does hurt. 

I went through a similar

I went through a similar dental "blow up" a few weeks back. I had been lax with my dental care and by the time I got to the dentist, I needed a filling. (Just one, mind you.). He went from gregarious to downright cold and tightlipped upon finding out that the receptionist had to look away (he insists we make dental appointment back to back so he's there to handle the finances).

He finally apologized a few hours later when I told him there is no way in hell I was going to "own" what he was making me feel. I admit to being lax for my dental care, but I refuse to allow him to make it all about me making him angry. It's just a cavity for goodness sake!

I'm So Exhausted's picture

Discernment

I have such a hard time discerning what is ADHD driven behavior, what is the Male Brain, and what is just poor unacceptable behavior toward me.