I am a 43 year old male on the brink of divorce. My wife and I have been separated for over five months.
We separated at her request because I was not present for her as a husband or as a father to our son since he was born over two years ago.
I didn't put her and our son first. I didn't even put them second or third! I put work, coaching other children and my own needs ahead of her and our son.
She tried to talk to me. We also tried marital counseling. I was not receptive and got angry every time. I was also frequently stressed out, depressed and moody.
She was deployed for a month over the summer. I was in charge of caring for our son, running the house and keeping up with the demands of my job.
Nothing bad happened to our son, our house or at my job but I was frequently angry with her on the phone while she was away.
When she came back, she asked me to move out of the house. I tried to persuade her to change her mind but she refused so I moved out in late August.
I have been living by myself, paying child support and visiting with my son 3-4 times per week. It has been very difficult for me and I have not handled it well.
My relationship with my wife has gotten worse and she has repeatedly made it clear that she hates me and intends to file for divorce soon.
Recently I started therapy with a doctor who diagnosed with me with mild ADD. I started taking medication and it has improved my mood and my focus.
For example, I am not as depressed, I no longer think of suicide, I am smiling and happy at times, and I am more focused at work and also when I am playing with my son.
My wife is physician with the Public Health Service. She works at both the National Institutes of Health and Walter Reed Hospital.
She is angry and skeptical of any my attempts at reconciliation. She just wants to divorce me and get primary custody of our son and move on with her life.
I am very concerned that if I tell her about my recent diagnosis of mild ADD, she will see it as another attempt to manipulate her into trying couples therapy or reconciliation.
1) How do I explain to her that my ADD affected my ability to be a husband and a father? In a way that she will accept as a physician?
2) How do I tell her that I am working with a therapist to improve my life so that I will be a much better husband and father?
3) What can I do to improve our relationship?
Any suggested articles or papers that would impress my wife that treatment of ADD does work and improves marital relationships and parenting would be greatly appreciated.