Let me have some input please. We have been working with surviving the chaos caused by my spouse's ADHD traits for a long while, so I will admit it is difficult for me to get out of the mothering mode into the partnership mode. Facts from my paradigm:
Spouse is leaving for out of town for 4 days, 3 nights.
Asks if I want to go out for dinner, specifically mentioning 'to spent time with me' before he left.
I responded yes. I am going out shopping in the AM with my friends, not sure what time I'll be home, but it will be 2-3ish.
No specific leaving time was set for the dinner date - which is best as time management is not his strong point.
I got home at 3.
5pm. - turned on TV to pass the time while I waited for him to get home.
6 pm - I guess he is going to be late as usual.
7pm - I am thinking this is a little late to be going out for dinner. Not a new experience for him to get wrapped up in work, or be late. After 20+ years of marriage it is a pattern.
I hear a vehicle coming up the driveway. It was not my spouse, but my son -mid-twenties - who works with my spouse. I asked if he had been working with his Dad. No. He was with his friends all day. I told him I was waiting for Dad to go out to dinner. He texts his Dad - Aren't you supposed to be taking mom out to dinner?
I get a call from my spouse. He is livid. He is angry. He is mad as a hornet.
Somehow, I missed my spouse ask me to text him when I got home. It was not one of those situations where, when he mentioned it, I realized I had forgotten. I do not recall him mentioning it - at all. By 3 pm, he decided I was being mean and punishing him by choosing to stay out with my friends over going to dinner with him. Rejecting him. He worked himself into a horrible angry depression.
It was my fault for not calling him. It was moot point that I did not hear his request for a text when I got home.
For me, I really thought nothing of his being late - as it is normal. He is known not to show up - to be late - to forget - doesn't understand how his family would get upset that he had to finish a job.
There was no understanding from him that it was poor communication that should get the blame.
Nope. I am punishing him. Sigh. He cried. He cried the next morning. He left for his trip carrying with him his opinion I rejected him and I am punishing him. Sigh. sigh. sigh. Also tossed at me a bit of a guilt-inducing slam, "Don't you realize how much temptation there is for men at these conventions?"
I do not feel guilty. I feel sad.