Atrocious ? Really?

Today a sales rep stopped over.  My spouse asked if I minded if he brought the guy into the house.  I am still in my PJs, so I said, "Yes, I would mind."

After the guy leaves, my spouse is slamming things around muttering under his breath.  Then he says, "You think people think you are treated so atrociously, well, I think this is atrocious."

Atrocious?  That was not a word I ever said.  Atrocious?  Much too strong of a word for the situation.

Hm.  The front door of our house leads into his office, but it is so full of piles of paper and boxes of stuff that there is no room for anyone to stand and talk.  His barn is so full, no one can step inside to stand and talk.  But he should be able to parade people into the kitchen of the house, because there is room to stand?

So starts another day in the life. 

These are the sort of irritations than can push me right over the edge.

A Lovely Way to Start the Day

I just hate those kind of exchanges. I suppose it's good he asked. But geez it would be nice if reaction was more like, yeah I figured. Guess I should work on clearing some space in the office this weekend.  I wonder if those reactions are defensiveness over the embarrassment of not having room in office or barn. Not that it would make it ok. I hope your day improves immensely.

carathrace's picture

the edge

I agree that his reaction was probably defensiveness, but boy, your hubby is the master of overreaction, isn't he. 

I was thinking that sometimes, standing on the edge (not going over) can give you an exceptionally clear view of things.

I'm So Exhausted's picture

carathrace, I do have a very


I do have a very nice view at the edge . . . . and I will certainly take the bridge over to the other side.  It looks so beautiful over there.  



Standing on the edge.

I was thinking that sometimes, standing on the edge (not going over) can give you an exceptionally clear view of things.

LOVE THIS.  carathrace, Is this your original?  I will be using it to quote.  I am seeing clearer now...not that I like what I see, but seeing things is a step toward freedom and sure-footedness.

I'm So Exhausted's picture

Defensive Embarassment


I know that is exactly the situation, his embarrassment, and his frustration.

The anger and contempt in his body-language and in the way the fire shoots out of his eyes in my direction is very hurtful.  

I am here, for a yet undetermined amount of time, because I am working though the probability that what is partially going through his mind is, "Where in  the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks is that selfless woman I married who always let me walk all over her.

My quest in all my efforts is to find out if he married me, or my passive, door-mat behavior.  It certainly allowed him to get away with very poor behavior for 27 years.   

What I worry about is the fact that our symptom-response-respone behavior always ended with him getting out all his frustrations, and me carrying all the responsibility.  I never "took" the responsibility, but allowed his skillful ability to heap it on me . . . . and I never sent it back to him.  

I was also very susceptible to falling victim to "loaded questions," which in fact are statements in disguise.  It just sounds nicer to say, "Well, I DID ask."  I had always said, "Yes."  Now, I say "No" if I mean "No."  He does not appear to like hearing the word "No."  Or at least his reaction is not very pleasant.

So, each new interaction is either a Hot-Potato that he has to carry, or a Time-Bomb. . . that I am afraid will blow. . . . . in who knows what direction.

I am not at all 100% sure that I have to dismantle the monster I created . . . but I do have some responsibility in it.  

I'm So Exhausted's picture

Out of his own mouth....

I also think it is quite interesting that he said that I think people think he treats me atrociously.  

Funny, except for a few, very few confidants, most people think I am the luckiest lady in the world, married to the kindest man they ever met.