Back from a horrible vacation

We left on Sunday.  There were problems right away as the twelve-year-old started complaining about fatigue and pains (which have been investigated with no cause found and are probably somatic) at the museum.  We then went to an amusement park.  Lots of complaining and conflict.  12 year old had a great time in the wave pool, but then my wife and I wanted to go on a specific rollercoaster.  They complained that we wouldn't be able to go on another roller coaster if we went on that one first.  My wife as getting pulled in and angry.  I proposed that I take the 12 year old to the roller coaster they wanted and my wife would have a chance to go on the rapids ride she likes.  My wife agreed.  When we were near the roller coaster they wanted, the 12 year old sat down and resumed complaining.  I waited patiently until they finally said they could go on it.  By then, we met my wife at the entrance because the rapids line was too long.  They kept complaining the rest of the time at the amusement park and accused me of pushing them to go on the roller coaster they wanted to go on!  They said they only said that the wanted to go on it because I had asked what they wanted to do when they did not want to go on the coaster my wife and I wanted.  We did get on a few more rides, including the big one we wanted.

When it came time to leave, my wife could not find her car keys!  She opened the care the the trunk, but then had know idea where they were.  I even moved the car to see if they were underneath.  Days later, she discovered they were in her waist pack.

My wife drove first.  The car started shaking, especially while standing still.  It also accelerated very poorly.  The 12 year old started whining about where we would have dinner.  We tried to explain that there were not that many places open late in the area so we had few to choose from and we had to go right away.  They kept arguing and my wife got more and more tense.  There was a fork in the road, and she would have crashed if I had not yelled to stop.  We decided not to drive to the next hotel and stayed local.  It was almost $1,000 to replace the coil, spark plugs, and transmission lines.  My wife agreed to cut the trip short, but she wanted to drive over a hundred miles north to see a minor league team that night.

After the game, we were in the car with the windows open before she was ready to drive away.  I rested my right hand on the top of the window as I often do when the windows are open.  Immediately after she started driving, without warning, she rolled up the windows and trapped my hand!  It hurt like Hell.  I screamed and she said that she thought I was yelling about some problem on the road.  I then yelled "My hand!" and "My hand is trapped!"  Nothing.  I had her phone navigating in my left hand and I was in pain, so I did not reach over to my right side to roll down the window.  She says that she lowered it as soon as "it registered" that my had was trapped, but I had to yell specifically for her to lower it.  This led to a huge fight in a gas station parking lot.    There were lots of excuses about why she raised the windows without warning and why she did not lower it.  I took a break.  I then told her that 1) that instead of making excuses, she should just own up to it and admit that she should have either have checked with me before rolling up my window or have asked me to roll it up myself and 2) she needs to stop making excuses for why she won't get her ADHD treated.

We drove a hundred miles south to another hotel.  She wanted to do several things on the way home AND take local roads instead of the highway.  I pointed out we would get home really late.  So there was fighting about that.  Then we fought about the ADHD issue.  It was agreed that I would drive on the highway at night because she wanted to avoid that.

We stopped at a restaurant along the way and my wife said she wanted to drive back over a different bridge than Google said to use.  That wound up taking us back north and on a twistier and darker highway than the one she wanted to avoid.  (I avoid driving on high bridges whenever possible, especially when I am already tense.)  Our twelve-year-old started telling to her and i said to wait because her mother was driving in a really tense situation.  I was trying to back her up as she always tells me I do not do enough.  What happens?  She contradicts me and tells the 12 year old that it isn't that bad!   It was another case of "which you do you want me to back up?"  I felt like a foll.  When we got across the bridge, we went onto yet another dark and twisty highway and I took over.  Then the gas light went on!  This road did not have any rest stops.  Nor did it have any shoulders!  I was really nervous, but my wife basically said that I shouldn't worry and invalidated my fears that we would run out of gas.

We got home close to midnight.  I tried to get to sleep, only to have the 12 year old knock on our door because their psychotic symptoms were getting worse and that voices had been screaming at them for an our.  Also, they felt like they were covered in dog drool.  ironically, they wanted to take the dog downstairs and sleep on the couch.  My wife did not feel comfortable with that and insisted that they sleep with her.  I tried to sleep on the couch, but it was covered in grit, probably a combination of crumbs and dirt.  I wound up sleeping on the dining room floor with a sleeping bag.

My wife says that she will try harder to set up an appointment with an adult ADHD specialist.  I once again found the numbers psychiatrists and therapists for her to try.  I even narrowed it down to a short list of those that included information about ADHD in their PsychologyToday bios--not just in the list of things they treat.  One therapist says she is certified in ADHD.