back to square one


I feel so sad right now.  Last week we have the "big" talk about ADD (recent diagnoses of my husband) and how it can really cripple a marriage...He has been stepping up and doing more around the house and helping with the children (4 adn 15mths).  He has been kinder to me and trying to be more affectionate.  Though he doesn't think ADD is teh cause of all the problems...he mostly blames me.   he does not see an ADD specialist.  His plan is to meet with current therapist "a few more times" to touch on some childhood things and be done in add specialist, no coach...he's done with therapy...  :( 

For the rest of the summer, he has Wed. and Fri off.  We have roof damage that leaked water into my daughters ceiling which our insurance is going to fix.  Almost 2 weeks ago, we both decided that since the ceiling is open, we would install a ceiling fan.  I said I would ask my dad; he said "no I'll do it"  I said, Ok.

Fast forward 2 weeks...I come home yesterday, and the breakfast things are STILL on the table...he looked as though he had just gotten up from nap.  I then cooked supper AND cleaned up from it.  Then he starts to put the moves on me...I tell him I don't want to do what kink he had planned (I do want to, just didn't want to last night) and then I say, I would still like to be intimate (I have one of those who doesn't initiate physical contact until sex is to follow), and he says "finish what you need to do" (dishes, make lunches etc) and he goes down stairs to play with his guitar.  I clean up from dinner, go down and I say, want to watch TV with me...and he is like totally ambivalent.  So I just go back up stairs.  He comes up at 10:30 and says "are you going to bed" and I say yes...he disapears again.

Today, the contractor called for our CC number for our deductable.  I asked him yesterday to call him (since he was home).  I asked him to take the car in (local place) to be looked at...not done... the contractor called me for the CC number...I had to leave my desk at work, drive home, get the card, come back and call (he is also working today, but could have done all this...and SHOUDL have done it yesterday).  I asked him when he was planning to do the wire for the ceiling fan...he isn't...his words "I'm not worried about it"

And then here is the kicker...this morning he is like "we should take the car in"  by the way, I have learned that when he says "we" he really means I should do it...he is currently looking for an excuse to buy a new camero... after I negotiated with our contractor to 1/2 our deductable as 1000 would be a hardship right now...and he wants a new camero?!  we cannot afford a car payment right now.

I just cried and cried all the way home...feeling totally alone with all this stuff and like he should have done some of these things yesterday.  I just want OUT.