Well after a year of 'calm' and the most peaceful quiet and 'normal' years in our relationship it feels like it's all starting to slip backward again and I am getting nervous and anxious about what's to come. My husband has been diagnosed with adhd and a mood disorder? and some form of PTSD. We haven't been told he's bipolar but his sister is and I don't know if his extremes are that intense or not to say that's the case.
His previous therapist which he only went to when our new marriage was on the brink of being destroyed, credited his 'issues' to his very unstable childhood. He was virtually homeless his entire life and grew up in chaos, his family members all have trouble controlling their tempers and moods. He's been around them more lately and I sware it's made him start to go backward. He grew up in rented rooms, sometimes in a trailer or truck, he never had a home,attended more than 40 schools, barely got a GED and as a teen/adult has had over 50 jobs. Partially from not being able to get along with people, stay on task and just stick with it. He finally found something he was at for 3 years, longest job every held, and he liked it, but unfortunately they didn't like him and after a while the conflict lost him the job. He was destroyed by it and it nearly broke us. He has a love him or can't stand him personality, which makes our social life as a couple difficult. He is very chatty and most times has no filter, which is so hard for me. We are essentially opposites extrovert and introvert. But at the same time his personality is the best thing about him. He would give anyone the shirt off his back, he's the guy who calls and checks in with people just to say hi and see how they are doing. He can spark up conversation with a peer or an elderly person. He's great with kids and really is a caring person. And so his sense of humor, loudness and sometimes overly friendliness has been his crutch to help him survive in the unstable environments. it's what people remember and like about him, problem is that it's also cost him friendships and causes us problems when interacting with each others friends/family. Sometimes he just doesn't shut his mouth and it turns some people off sometimes and frankly embarasses me too.
After a breakdown about 3 years ago finally we got him into therapy and on some meds. It stirred up everything negative in his life and was the hardest time we've had so far. He stopped talking to his family which was a good thing, he had to deal with the things they did that affected him. But his mother was able to weasel her way in with guilt and the rest of them followed, now they speak daily and feed off each others drama and overr eations. Currently I know he's feeling negative feelings about his biological father, who doesn't care to have a relationship with him and he's doing unreasonable things, like sending his dad copies of our mounting medical bills from his heart condition. He says hes doing it in hopes that he'll help us out. That is not realistic, isn't gonna happen and is just some crazy mind game he's doing to release some sort of negative feelings. Why is he torturing himself??? This is a behavior that 6 months ago he would not have done. He was all about being a better man than his father, showing him he doesn't need him etc. Now he's playing some strange game that's putting him in an awful place mentally. I hate to seem him be like this.
He was able to get social security to help us since keeping a job has been such a struggle. And we moved out of town and started fresh. He seemed to be doing so much better, was off 2 meds that didn't seem to help much with the impluse control as they were supposed to and his self esteem was higher than ever, our relationship improved dramatically, he stopped self medicating with marijuana as he had done for years. We found out he has a heart condition most likely due to too much recreational drug use(which he admits doing to 'escape his horrible life') and so that brought him down more than a few notches. He felt stupid for damaging his body, and more often now he's overly dramatic about everything, saying he won't be here long so what does it matter. Those awful extremes are rearing their ugly head again and I feel like he's slipping back into feeling out of control and chaotic. He's started on zoloft along with the cardiac meds so I don't know if that's causing it or if its all the anxiety of his condition, or his horribly dysfunctional family being back in the picture???? I am feeling grateful that we caught his heart condition and was feeling so happy and relieved but I can't live with a 32yr old who is settling into a depressed life of a crabby 80yr old man. I feel like all the work we had done, he had done, is slowly becoming undone and I am scared and sad. The tiptoeing and carefulness I do is starting to appear again. The other day he said he wanted to go to therapy again, I was glad I guess that he suggested it but sad that we are seeming to be going backward. We have no kids yet and the thought of waiting longer and longer until he's 'okay' makes me a whole other kind of sad.