My ADHD husband grew up with parents that constantly bailed him out of one mess then another time and time again. I suppose it was easier to bail him out and do it themselves than have the patience for him to learn and fix it himself. So when we got together our dysfuctions worked together. Twenty years later I realize that there were dysfuctions and I have realized mine and been on a path to correct mine. In the process we found that he is ADHD and let me tell you that diagnosis really answered many questions from over the years.
I have learned to set boundaries and such and my life has become healthier and more aware. My ADHD husband has grown some, but it's baby steps. I would not be with him still if it wasn' for the fact that he is trying to overcome some of his behaviors etc.
However, many of the issues that my husband has not been able to improve, on some days can be so bloody frustrating and just UGH!!! Not paying bills on time, getting in trouble at work, lack of follow through etc. I try and do as much of the important stuff myself so to eliminate reprocussins. LIke paying the elcetric bill etc.
I try not to bail him out becasue he needs to reap what he sows. But when faced with a situation that he has gotten us into, I feel like I have to step in and fix it, or my whole family will suffer. This is what gets exhausting. He is not going to change...and I don't know what I am going to do, I guess one day at time for now. I love my husband, but I have resentment and trust issues with him.