Here is a writing from online "Phycology Today" that I shortened and it targets exactly what I have been swimming in for so long. I didn't know the rules (or chose to make my own easier, more comfortable rules). I was attracted to the bad boys and I was a nice girl. Not a fun place to be for too long.
Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and Nice Gals Too)!
1) Nice People Do Not Make Their Partners Invest
Whoever is doing the favors will fall in love. But, whoever is receiving the favors probably will not fall in love. The person that invests feels love. The person receiving the investment may not feel anything. Moral of the story—don't be "nice" and do everything. Make your partner invest in you and the relationship too. Remember, when they DO FOR YOU, is when they fall in love. If they refuse to invest in the relationship, however, then they may never love you back.
2) Nice People Reward Bad Behavior
People learn from the consequences of their behavior. When they perform a behavior and are rewarded, they tend to do the same thing again. In contrast, when they perform a behavior and are punished, they tend to shy away from that behavior in the future. Well, nice people tend to treat their dates and mates very well. All the time. EVEN, when they don't deserve it. The nice person often "thinks" that such good treatment will one day be recognized. But, they fail to recognize what they are TEACHING their partner by treating them well under all conditions. As a result, nice people get walked all over. By being nice all the time, they actually encourage others to treat them badly.
3) Nice People Are Too Available
Generally, we believe whatever is scarce, or requires work to obtain, is valuable. Whatever is easy to get, or common, is probably cheap. Unfortunately for nice people, they are anything but scarce. They are eager to please. They are always agreeable to dropping their life and rushing over to their date or mate. They make time, dote, acquiesce, and try to be as convenient and easy as possible. Nevertheless, the bad boys and divas are scarce. That scarcity makes them SEEM valuable. Their unavailability and breaking plans makes them look confident and important. Making others work to earn their time gives the illusion that their time is valuable.
So, learn from the jerks and divas—but don't emulate them completely. Simply get your partners to invest in you back, as you invest in them. Further, only reward them when they deserve it and ignore them when they don't. Also, make them accommodate you too and don't let your life revolve around them. This will show them that you are a valuable and attractive person with some self-respect. Then, you can still be a decent person and find love...without being so nice others walk all over you.