I was diagnosed with ADHD only a couple of months ago along with anxiety disorder. I am not any medication, but on breathing exercises and other physical treatments. However, my condition has caused the demise of my seven-year relationship of which 5 were spent in marriage. My husband is a good man with some faults which i was incapable of dealing with in socially appropriate ways. For example, lack of responses to questions or vague answers and explanations used to eat at me so much that i would get angry, aggressive, and sometimes violent. The anxiety i often felt would consume me leading to panic attacks and bordering paranoia. I dealt with my husband's faults very badly even when i knew that i was doing so. It was as though i couldn't contain myself! But now my husband and i are separated. I threw him out about three months ago after he did something i thought was unforgivable. I started seeing a psychologist because i felt as though i needed to speak with someone and which ultimately led to my diagnosis. But now I have reached a cross road. My husband, who was very adamant that we will never get back together, wants me back. I am at a cross road because being alone seems to be the best thing to have happened to me in seven years! I feel free! I feel happy! I feel like the world is filled with endless possibilities and opportunities! Which leads me to question, should people with ADHD be married?
I remember the moment of realization, while speaking with my psychologist about my symptoms, the amount of grief and agony those symptoms caused my husband. My heart bled for him in that moment and i immediately wanted to have myself "fixed" just so i can be "better" to treat with him better. But he remained steadfast in his resolution at the time and now i have become attached to my "freedom". I feel ABSOLUTELY stress free. The last time i was this happy (apart from a few moments of loneliness at the time) was when i was single and living alone. Yes, that should have been a clear indicator that i should have never married. I LOVED living alone, so much so, that my mother was shocked when i got married and had children. Yes, I have children, two of them. Which brings me to my second question. Should i accept my husband back because of the children? They seem to have adjusted well so far. There are no signs of depression or acting out. How do i make such a decision? When my husband is around i feel "stifled". I am not sure why. The poor man is hardly ever home and never complains about anything i want or choose to do. Maybe it is the fact that while we were together i focused on him so much. Every gesture, tone in his voice, what he said or did not say, what he was implying when he said something even when he meant exactly what he said and wasn't implying anything, my gosh! I can go on! It saddens me now to think about it because i know that i am only just now learning to manage my thoughts, emotions, and behavior. I now have a deep concern that without such obsessive behavior i am very likely to be indifferent to him as i have been when he visits the children. I do not doubt that i love my husband, but i guess another concern is that if we got back together, eventually we may still end up going our separate ways. Yes indeed, maybe people with ADHD should not get married...sigh .