Beginning dialogue

I think this could be a great source of info and sharing once we get posters here.

I have a seven year old son who has severe ADHD. I'm his da and also have ADD - making things more complicated ( or interesting!).

Anyone else here also have children with ADD?

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Singularity shows something wrong in the mind

                                                            - Erica Jong

 

 

re:families with Add

Hello yes I have a son 8yrs old that is very Adhd and Odd. Although I think his Odd is questionable. I have 3 other children,  My husband whom I am seperated from is also Adhd/depression and alcoholic. I think I have read your posts before on the adult side. I can suggest a great book for anyone who has boys its called "Raising Cain" It was very good and helpful (since I have 3).

Thanks. I'll have to look

Thanks. I'll have to look that one ( Raising Cain ) up soon. I've two boys. One has ADD the other doesn't seem to, but is very active, quick and devilish - but all in a very healthy sense. There's a difference.

There are so many mistakes and missteps one can take with respects to raising children and they seem to  have a knack for picking up and reamplifying  even the very least of one's faults and flaws.

With respects to the ODD, it does seem like these disorders seem to go together a lot of the time, with variations to the mix. Its almost never 100%, or 50/50 or some other 'convienient' whole number ratio. I think thats why its such a devil of a time for the psychologists, parents and teachers to figure out exactly what is going on. I can see why its so easy to misdiagnose.

Do you ever feel that the one child with ADD to take the overwhelming majority of available time and resources; leaving you with relatively little in the way of time and attention to devote to the other children?

That seems to be one of the more perplexing issues for us right now.

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There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
-Carl Jung


 

re: perplexing issue of Adhd child taking so much time

Yes indeed the Adhd child takes up a lot time and resources. Whew I've read many of books and talked to people. I can share what we do that helps. One thing that is useful is  to learn what love language your child has. Does one boy favor you spending time with him? or one who likes you to buy him things or perhaps do something for him? my 11 yr old son thrives when I give praise to him for things he does and I spend one on one to talk with him about those praises, He needs to hear things. My daughter who is overwhelmed with boys in the house truly needs the one on one time , and we do girly things she then tells me I'am the best mom. my Adhd son starts to feel very good when he receives praises and encouragement. Because he can be so negative I have learned to combat that with the positive to break some of the patterns I see in him. Does that make sense? ex: "want to read this book with me, it looks cool" No mom thats too hard for me!" I come back with "well lets just try a few sentences maybe you can read some of the words" then he tries and really he can read some words and gets excited and reads a whole pharagraph. I never push him too hard but encouragement goes a long way. My oldest 17yrs old well he just wants the loot. He loves it when I buy him stuff or do things for him. Theres a book about the five love languages for children that is really good.When you understand how to fill their love tanks thats so helpful for children to feel good and loved about themselves and from you. Another thing that is really important (my opinion) is to have dates with your children. So the son who is not having the full attention compared to the  the Adhd son can look forward to that one on one with you and feel its his time and feel that attention that he needs.you can mark it on the calender so he can have a visual and look forward to it. You don't have to spend a ton of money. We go for walks in our tourist town and I buy a ice cream cone. Or I go to the library and we hang out.(I'am a book geek). While we are out I talk to him about things and his or her feelings. Its so important to keep in touch with their clockwork inside. My other children have complained about my Adhd son numerous times but I found when I implement these things in our home it really helps them to know that they are so loved and they have more understanding. I also am  helping my children to set boundaries for themselves . My 11 yr old son and 8yr old Adhd son really fight alot. Its so frustrating so things are not perfect but you have to look at the big picture. I'am sorry I'll write about that later. I had sugery recently and get tired at the computer. I hope I haven't rambled too much and that I have perhaps  suggested something useful for your family. Any suggestions for sibling rivalry? Ahh yes that question throughout the ages:]......  

"...Because he can be so

"...Because he can be so negative..."

 

Its the same way with my ADD son. Thats probably the hardest of it all; at times he can't seem to enjoy anything except complaining - seeing the gravitation towards a crumedgeon. Especially hard cause he can be such a charming kid and has so much going for him.

I agree with the idea of finding their particular thing, the things that are special to them. Obviously, you are able to depend on your spouse to help out with the other kids while you spend quality time with the one. That's the sticky part of our dilemma, the ADD kid has to have one of the parents' attention at all times and is resentful of even a little time spent with the other kid when he is not occuppied. In corporate America today, the idea is the firm OWNS their employees time, lock stock and barrel, and that leaves the other parent to function as a de facto single parent.

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Welcome to the desert of the Real

                              - Morpheus

 

diagnosis

My ten year old son most likely has ADD or ADHD.  We've recently filled out some forms, (as have his teachers)for the pediatrician and have an appt. for a consultation next week.

My Questions:

-What are the steps to a good diagnosis?

-How long should I expect it to take?

(We want some supports in place before he starts middle school next Sept.)

-Is it customary for a pediatrician to diagnose ADD? (Apparently ours does..according to his nurse...and immed. tries medication....) I would prefer that an expert make this diagnosis.

-How do we protect his self esteem

through this process?  He is a bright, curious, loving, sensitive boy and I don't want him to feel he is a problem to be solved!

-I would be very interested in a family support group.  I would like to talk to other families who are dealing with this successfully... any tips on how to find a group?

 

 

 

 

 

 

re: diagnosis

Yes, pediatricians can be very knowledgable regarding ADD and other disorders. The pediatrician may refer you to a psychologist for other, non-med treatments such as behaviour modification, relaxation techniques, dealing with school-work, etc.

A professional child-psychologist will know how to do the testing/treatment without giving your child the feeling that there is something 'wrong' with them. Ours is very good at this.

Also, ya might want to check into your local CHADD chapter for finding a support network local to you.

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Even Agent Smith Gets the Blues

                            - Eugene Donohoe, Dublin City


 

Diagnosis of a Child

If your pediatrician's nurse tells you that he always moves to meds for treatment you may wish to consider whether or not he's your best option.  First, ADD is often accompanied by other learning issues - a fully trained psychiatrist will be best able to see what else might be an issue.  Also, while it may not be the case with your specific pediatrician, I hear too many stories of people going to a generalist (pediatrician or primary care physician), being "diagnosed", given pills and sent off with little to no follow through.  This is not the best path for treatment.

A great treatment includes careful monitoring of medication responses (if medication is chosen), regular "check ins", behavioral therapy, etc.  For kids, the "behavioral therapy" can take the form of instruction in how to better organize, social etiquette groups, martial arts or exercise (to improve focus), individual therapy and more.  Often, lots of experimentation is needed to see what works best.  So my personal recommendation would be to go to a specialist who is more likely to provide the full program.

u r amazing people help me please i need i help im failing

you r all doing amazing job loving all your children in everyway possilble well done

now help me ive got 3 children each have adhd plus;

 a teen girl depression/adhd/anxiety, 11 yr son adhd and a little 9 yrs girl who has adhd/odd

im one mum they all need me at once tried everything fom individual attention, all attention, full atttention, loved and loved, and gave and gave but what they still always everyday they all have a issue not just one but 3 kids at once  and yes i have to help them all.

RIGHT WHEN THEN THEY ALL HAVE AN ISSUE BIG OR SMALL I HAVE TO HELP ALL YES NO MATTER WHAT IM DOING OR WHICJH WAS IS MORE DISTRESSED  and if i dont then well.........

 (explosion)........ and if i help one or all im in the wrong they say im either favouring one or bacsically i dont care about one, THEM or I CARE AND LOVE THE OTHER CHILD.

 

I DONT HAVE A  FAVORITE their all different and i love them all the same but of cause u have to deal with them diffirently then each other dont u i dont know

yeah they all dont respect me they shout, abuse me ,came to me with everything small and big,

they hate me and u know what ive thought ive done the best what do u do when u dont know what else to do u can only fix one issue at at time and help children when they need u but deviding myself into 3 all at once im losing control help i love qand admire my children and u know deep down i feel they may love me to

and just to had which isnt anything to do with this my husband has adhd so i do have another amzing person i need to be with nd help haha kids really let me help thier daddy please help losing head really iam 

Re: u r amazing....

Corr, I thought it bad with one ADHD kid...I can only imagine it with three and then a spouse with it to wit. It does seem that a kid with ADD to be very selfish and resentful of any attention given to the other. We've heard the ' you don't love me' when ever we say anything nice or complimentary to the other child, who, by the way, receives a lot less in the way of praise and attention than the one who complains so.

Don't worry them to really think that you are favouring the one; its more or less a ploy from what I've been told and what I sense intuitively. All kids have a knack for manipulating mum and da to do their bidding.

How is your husband with helping out with the kids? You might want to check into the services of a 'supper-nanny'. She might be able to give you hands on practical advisement.

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Even Agent Smith Gets the Blues

                                 - Eugene Donohoe, Dublin City

 

 

 

 

thanks ur all r amazing

thank u for your reply it is hard work but they keepu going because they always have amazing things to say and always do funny things so there is possitives my husband is helping but he as short attention spam and they all clash but thats just fun of a ahhd family

so i will keep going and just have a laugh i feel less a failiure at the momment so thank u

ADHD family

Yes everyone of us, mom, dad, girl boy. I think the dog may have it.

All dogs have ADD :)

They can't remember more than 2 minutes. For the most part, they don't have jobs. They never hold a grudge. :) They are fun to be with. :)

dogs

;-)