The beginning of the end

So I have made the first step in ending my marriage to my ADD husband.  NSDH has gotten more and more controlling over the past 3 weeks - he has locked down all of our liquid assets to which he now has full access to and I none, he decides what is spent and on what and when, he is still having outbursts with me and the kids and if I go out with friends I have to answer his questions: who will be there, where are you meeting at, why are you meeting those people, when will you be back, ect. like his is my parent and I have to answer to him.

So after a long weekend away with my kids, upon return I realized that I was again back at not sleeping soundly at night, unable to eat due to nerves, walking on eggshells to not upset NSDH and have decided that this is NOT A LIFE for me or my kids.  I have no idea what is wrong with NSDH - there is more than just ADD that is plaguing him.  His alcohol abuse doesn't help the matter and adding on the emotional abuse and controlling nature that his is exhibiting is a 180 turn from the man I fell in love with and married 25 years ago. 

So the dream is dying and I can not resuscitate  this marriage any longer.  I am placing my kids into counseling to help them adjust to the upcoming changes and for them to feel that they have a safe place to process their thoughts and speak about anything that is bothering them.  I am interviewing attorney's.  I am scared to the core, of how my life will change, of not having financial security, of what my NSDH will do next (he's very unpredictable) but most of all how this all will affect my kids.

I wish things could have been different - I wish he had continued with therapy and medication, to have more testing done to find out what is happening in his mind - I wish so many things could have been different.   But the reality is that is not what has happened. So I must move forward with my kids to a better life.

Thanks to everyone on this website and Melissa and George for creating and supporting it.  It has been a lifeline of sanity for so many as well as chock full of resources, insight and friendships!  Best wishes to everyone in their journey with their ADD partner/spouse.