Hi. My husband has ADD or ADHD (he says its the former, but I think it might be the latter, because he cannot keep his hands or feet still when he's sitting down). He has struggled with depression since he was a teenager but was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD just a few years ago. He is on meds. He loves them. Not that he overindulges, but he's really into the pharmaceutical approach, trying this, trying that, saving meds from old prescriptions, taking nonprescription things (for example, melatonin and fish oil capsules). I think this reflects his scientific training.
But he seems to have problems making behavioral changes. For example, in our relationship, as in many relationships in which one spouse has ADD/ADHD, we do very unequal amounts of household chores. The one chore that my husband is very willing to do regularly is vacuuming, and this makes me happy, because I hate to vacuum. But he can't seem to find a way to remember to vacuum. He used to program his phone to ring at 8 a.m. on Friday morning and he would vacuum then. Great. It was a system and it worked. Well, he doesn't do that anymore. Another example: he hasn't had a full-time job in almost three years. This is a big deal to me. I've said that him looking for a job is very important to me and that his failure to do so is approaching the point of being a deal breaker for our marriage. But he can't get himself to sit down and take the steps that are needed to apply for jobs.
I've suggested that he get an ADHD coach. He said that he doesn't want to spend money on this right now (valid point). But I'm not seeing the behavior changes that would really help his ADD/ADHD and thus might help our relationship. Any tips for what he can do and what I can suggest? Thank you.