Beyond angry & frustrated...simply over it

Today is my wedding anniversary and I'm frankly tired of my husband giving me an attitude.  He simply can't help himself.  I take his abuse whenever he wants to dish it and I'm tired of saying "its ok" or "I understand". He really has ruined me, my life and doesn't give an f**k about me.  I don't mean to curse but to put my anger in perspective I will make this brief.  My husband moved out 2 years ago because he couldn't deal with our existing living situation which was being a husband and going to work! He basically abandoned me, all responsibilities and left me with a mountain of credit card debt.  His excuse for leaving was for him to "work on himself" and "get better for himself, his future and us".  I felt at the time it was all hot air but gave him the benefit of the doubt because I truly did love him unconditionally.  Today, he is still the same exact narcissistic adhd unstable person with the same emotional, mental and financial problems.  

After 2 years of not living with him (and dealing with everything myself!), I don't understand AT ALL why he still thinks its okay to verbally or emotionally abuse me over the phone!  I understand that when you are living with someone it happens from time to time BUT he doesn't ever see me! He's sarcastic and says, "its always me" (that he's the cause of our problems) but you know what, it is him!  I can confidently say he is the problem.  I can't communicate with an abusive, irrational or deceitful person.  I'm very loving, caring and forgiving person and have been hanging onto a dream of what I wanted life to be with him.  So today, on my anniversary I told him I'm tired of his attitude and treatment towards me and he says that I'm "an alpha, dominating female who probably has a million guys I'm sleeping with".  In all honesty I don't want anyone and he has crushed any trust and faith I have in another man.  There is NO talking to him, none, zero!!!!  He thinks there is nothing wrong and its normal for him to pick up and go for 2 years and treat me like sh*t.  

His disease is no excuse for his actions and behavior.  He's ripped out my heart and I hurt...I hurt very bad.  I beyond angry and frustrated at this point.  I don't understand how one does not get help to improve their life with or without a partner!  How does he think the problems are stemming from me when his life has been a mess since birth?  At least my life has peace since he's left (that's when we aren't on the phone).  

How do I get thru to him?  I can't play the compassionate supportive card nor can I stand up for myself nor can I sit there and not say anything (because he will yell at me no matter what I do!).  I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't and I realize I'm at a complete loss and he wasted years of my life.  When I divorce him (because I will, I just can't go on any longer) I want him to truly understand that its because of him, his treatment of me, his outlook and perception on everything and overall his ADHD.  I wanted to spend my life with him and grow old together...have our souls drift off and be one when we are gone.  For me to say I want this to be over is more then I can express in words BUT I can't deal with him thinking I left because of someone else.  I feel like he owes me to take the responsibility of the failure of our marriage.  I at least deserve that.  If I don't leave I will be abused for the rest of my life and I don't want to live the rest of my life blaming myself for us not being together.  I just want him to take ownership of himself, his life and where we are.  I don't want to be called anymore names because I want to move on.  I don't want to hurt anymore.