Beyond Depressed and no hope

I am so depressed. I don't even have to say anything to be the brunt of his anger and frustration and insults. I am called down and belittled on a daily basis. I made the mistake of falling in love with the sweet side of him. It's been five years. Fairly sure it's co dependant as well. Given up any hope of normalcy. I am 45. 46 this June. I feel used and old and stupid. I don't want to be with him anymore. When we argue and I tell him to go to live with his mother, he does but I end up feeling like I was too hard on him. "He didn't ask for this syndrome, right?" :( I am to big hearted and stupid to make it stick and just move on with my life alone. I really just wish I never met him. Some days I wish I was just never born. The meds help him but not enough as far as I'm concerned. I just don't give a damn whether it works or not at this stage. Frustration and anger replace the fun times we used to have. He is also an alcoholic and addicted to pot. Just addicted to spending money if you ask me. I feel very alone.