Ok. So, I'm going to describe to you a fight that took place between my partner (ADD) and I yesterday that has been non-stop until I had a melt down later this afternoon-- which involved me feeling like ripping my hair out and jumping off our balcony-- but anyway.
It all began almost a year ago... (not kidding) just as the hyperfocus was wearing off and an old but very good friend of my ADD partner was coming to town. ADD partner had arranged to meet him for lunch, a plan that completely left me out (which originally made me feel sad because in the beginning of our relationship he would write this guy to tell him how much he loved me, wanted to marry me and couldn't wait for us to meet--and when it actually came time to meet him 1.5 yrs into the relationship, I was bumped out of the plan?!?!) :/ So, needless to say I remember the day very well... :/
Flash forward to yesterday.
We run into one of my partners acquaintances from high school. He states to this *stranger* that yes he has seen 'so-and-so' (old, very good friend); went out for lunch with him and two of his friends, a few months back. The acquaintance then asked, "oh, who? Bob and Hailey?" and my partner replied, "no, um, not sure who the other person was... but yes, Bob".
As we walked away I felt confused because back when he went out with his good friend he came home and told me he had hung out with just the good old friend... not, a few people.
NOT A BIG DEAL but I just felt very confused as to why he would have left the other people out of the story months ago...
He clarified, in that moment, by stumbling on his words saying that, it wasn't Bob and someone else, it was *just* Bob and he doesn't even know if the guys name was Bob, etc, etc... So, again I asked to clarify because he had said it was just him and his good friend months ago-- I remember because I was left out! But while speaking to the acquaintance it was four people... then later speaking to me it was only three.... all the while I thought it was just the two of them that had gone out that day (without me!).
I was confused and only trying to clarify the story that had changed about 4 times! I had a puzzled look on my face and started to wonder why he didn't tell me in the first place, the details of that outing months ago...
That's when he explained he got flustered running into this acquaintance and miss spoke by saying it was him, good friend and two others.... that it was actually just him, good friend and ONE other. And that way back, he didn't mention it because it wasn't important enough to share. Then he said "satisfied?" and I said "yeah, still weird, but yeah".
---------------This is where I would have loved for it to stop--------------------------------------------------
When we got to the car he started yelling at me, getting overly defensive because I said "still weird, but yeah". He said I was accusing him of lying and that I'm jealous and that he's sick of constantly being interrogated!!! (huh?)
I told him calmly that he did not have to yell at me, that I didn't think he was lying, that I'm not jealous and that I'm not trying to interrogate--- I'm just clarifying a confusing story that changed 4 times---that was all. AND, that I was over it, so please stop yelling.
He continued for at least 15 mins-- trying to get me to "take the bait"... I kept calmly asking him to stop yelling at me I was sitting right next to him. That I was only trying to clarify and asked him if hes ever before said to someone, "oh, you never told me you ran into so and so... why didn't you let me know?". That if it was anyone else it would have been a two sec conversation and it would be over with. But not between me and my lover! Nooooo, it had to turn into a two day back and forth trying to explain feelings and underlying feelings and why people feel the way they do... etc, etc. Very tiring, as you can probably imagine. I wish I would have kept the confusion to myself. And had I known it would have turned out this way, I WOULD HAVE!!!!!!!! :((
I finally did snap after 15 mins of being yelled at for nothing-- I defended myself. That's when he concluded, "See, this is why I don't tell you anything because you just turn around and get mad at me!" (seriously?!?!?!?) So, this morning he was acting like nothing had happened and I was giving him silent treatment until another blow out late this afternoon.
So, how could I go about this differently? I try to simply clarify something and my partner goes ballistic and defensive because I'm "attacking" him. How am I suppose to fix that? Or live with it????
Is this craziness, or a symptom of ADD????