When the husband has Bipolar 2 & ADHD that has been untreated until recently, this can cause an unimaginable amount of stress, etc over many years for the wife in a long-term marriage. He also has Oppositional Defiance Disorder. What type of healing can the wife seek? How can the wife prepare for outbursts due to husbands mood swings? How must the wife take care of her health? Individual & couples therapists and psychiatrists have not been very helpful in the past because they never diagnosed properly. In fact, they have done damage. How can the couple move forward and make life peaceful and loving? Thank you in advance for sharing.
Also what effect might this have had on children who lived through this & how can the parents help the children now that they are adults?
Please give info about Bipolar 2 only, not Bipolar 1. I can't find much info about Bipolar 2 with ADHD or Bipolar 2 alone.
Similar Boat - Cannot help with Bipolar but understand
Submitted by stonewalled on
Sorry to see you have not had any one engage your inquiry after over a month. My wife has ADHD at 65 and some other disorder that is yet to be diagnosed. She stopped therapy over a year ago after telling the therapist she was not willing to do what she was being asked to do, so she quit.
When you asked "what type of help can the wife seek?" it felt to me like I sit in the same situation, except I am a man. Peace, happiness and loving marriage are my goals.
Just before Christmas my wife checked in to a domestic abuse center because of the arguing. No, I did not physically hit her, but the arguments got us both thinking of the ultimate check out. She had taken all our mutual friends and they all call her on her cell phone leaving me isolated. Nobody calls on the home phone except customers.
She has no estimate time to ever come home, and she is now saying we need to learn to be friends again after 30+ years of marriage, so good Lord who knows. I feel I am in a constant state of wondering what to do, what to say or not say. I cannot call her even though I knew she was still at her office and I did phone her one time. I got a lot of messages that indicated she may never come back, but it will only be in her timeframe and I had to do things that made me happy. I agree that a lot I did was to make her happy. That made me happy, but it was not enough.
Why does the spouse get zero consideration? From what I heard and read it is because they cannot 'empathize' which is what our Therapist said. This came from the same therapist who did not correctly diagnose my wife with Adult ADD. I got very upset he overlooked the elephant in the room, but I did a lot of research and was able to tie symptoms a few years ago, . Now his practice has expanded and it's major focus is ADHD and he added two offices and partners. I did not go back to him for over three years because of that missed diagnosis, but he is the only one who knows us both and now he is clearly more educated about ADHD and other factors that magnify the issues.
I have been told not to look in the past because it drags all that baggage to today. Don't ask 'why' because it is a question that will fuel arguments and they cannot answer no matter how often you ask. I assure you I have had enough worry, tears and concern to fill a oil tanker and I still feel lost. I am a goal oriented person and now that all my lifes' goals have been met and was preparing for retirement with my bride, I discovered my wife has not met any of her goals, but ended up quitting everything she started except her job. I was the supporter, so I did not notice the quitting. I just supported her in all her endeavors, including helping her go for a pilots license. That failed like everything else. I now understand that quitting everything and lying about things are common with ADHD.
Now she is being told I need to find out "who I am" and "live for what makes me happy." My wife and partner used to be what made me happy. My new goal is to discover my goals after 61 and become her "friend." Confusing!
I have always thought of her as my best friend, so how this changed is puzzling to me. It is also confusing how they can say for us to become friends when we cannot talk or see each other. Of course I worry about that center because they are now taking in low cost abortions, so the risk of being in a volatile place over our arguments is disturbing. Gun laws are now open carry, and that is frightening. Everyone knows these disorders are emotional powder kegs.
I am praying for her safety first and then hoping if I just tread water she might come back to me one day.
That is the rub. I am supposed to be reinventing myself when I have a small home business and have literally remodeled most of our home so we are safe in our elder years, so goals in the face of finding oneself is strange. I do hope you find help on the Bipolar 2 issue. I have been told my wife has more than ADHD, but now it is just time to find out what other mental challenges she has that seems was triggered by cellular phones and social media. She had 55 years of life and a great marriage until she totally detached and dived into her cell phone and social media. That is too much distraction for anyone with these mental issues. At least they took her cell phone away when she got there a month ago, but I am holding on the best I can.
I hope you can find some help and peace. This forum seem to be focused on the THREAD about ANGER, FRUSTRATION and such. That is one phase, but when you get into a different place the anger lessens because you know it is beyond your control the posts are not as often answered. My dear Mother before she passed in the 90's told me a thousand times, Let go, Let God.
Best wishes to you. Men can find themselves in the same situation as there are loving and caring men too.