Submitted by Fiona K on 12/13/2016.
Just had yet another birthday for which my ADHD husband did not prepare. The last minute card and chocolates from the local drug store are hurtful. Didn't even remember to wish me a happy birthday. How am I not supposed to translate this as not caring? Try not to build up my hopes at times of birthdays, anniversaries, valentines etc. And remember that planning is difficult for him but ADHd is an explanation not an excuse. When we discuss things he says he cares but how am I supposed to believe this?
ADHD Husband
Submitted by william73 on
Thank you for sharing your feelings Fiona. I, regrettably, did this with a past partner more than once. Reading your simple, honest expression of thoughts/feelings made me sad...that I have hurt someone like you in the past and likely will in the future. I now set reminders 1-2 months in advance, with repeats every week up until these special days. I now get it done ahead of time, but I wish I could destroy this curse of near-ignorant selfishness that is ADHD. I am crushed by the number of times I have caused a small part of someone else's beauty to die. The pain I bring to others is far more depressing than the harm I do to myself. The ladies in this forum break my heart, again and again. I must get better at this.
Best Wishes, W
I too am the ADHD guy.
Submitted by BS on
Hello Fiona and William.
I know what its like from the point of being the one who rushes because there is no plan in place or just not remembering to do things till last minute. It is true what William said, It really hurts to see how much we hurt the ones we care about. It may not be as evident and we may apologize way too often for things. But for me at least, it tares me up even though it doesnt look it. I know her last birthday was a bigger mess than any before. She had told me she wanted nothing to be even reminded f the day, even though I had previously ordered her gift and failed to mark it as a gift on amazon. A week later she had told me she wanted to start anew and try to move on. I agrred. Later in the week her gift had arrived and she new exactly what it was due to the fact it wasnt in another box or anything. She was happy about it and no mention of disappoint until later. the day before her birthday and I was wondering if I should even ask if she wanted to do anything. I did not, only thought about asking all day. That night I did ask her. It turned into another argument about how much I do not care( hurts to hear everytime) and that her gift just showed up unrwapped or anything. I was supposed to know automatically that since we were starting over that I was supposed to have planned something for her day. I was so confused and a little upset about it as well as hurt.