Blame and False accusations

Hi Everyone

I am new to this site and this is my first participation.  I want to start by saying a huge big thank you.  After reading some of your stories I feel less alone and more sane!!!!  I am sure that most of you have felt, like me, that you are loosing your mind and that there must be something terribly wrong with you.  My adhd man can be so convincing and manipulative at times that in the 11 yrs we have been together i have questioned myself and my own values and sanity.


He has just started some new meds after seeing a new psychiatrist.  One that he says he likes (for now).  So i am hoping that this time he will stick with it for more than the normal  3 weeks.  There seems to still be confusion whether he is bipolar or adhd.  Research i have done shows very similar characteristics in both?? 

Many of the symptoms i am able to live with and work around.  The main areas of difficulty for me are the unreasonable rage/anger outbursts.  Even those in themselves i can at times try and deal with.  What i cant seem to get my head around and cope with is the blame and accusations and the silent treatment that follows.


In my experience, there has never been an anger/rage outburst where he has taken responsibility for himself.  It has always been my fault because he says i provoke him with my words, tone of voice and actions.  For years i have been overly aware of what, how and where i say things, so as not to provoke and anger outburst which always involves blame, accusations and is then followed by days sometimes weeks of silent treatment.  I am able to let a lot of things go but blame sends me insane.  If i try and explain or reason with him he just gets worse.  I am clearly doing something wrong but dont know what to do anymore.  Can anyone help or give me advice on how to handle this that will primarily help me cope with it better?