blended family and ADD-husband

My ADD husband and I have only been married 22 months. He has 3 children and I have 3.  Our problems started before marriage but i had no idea about his Add until probably the last 4 months.  He has been on meds for about 6 mo but he told me it was for PTSD. Our problems have been with procastination, not following-thru, unfinished projects, and of course the division of responsiblity in our blended family.  He feels I hate his kids because I refuse to do it all in our home. We have a business together and I have issues there too. He says my angerand hatred for his kids is what is tearing us apart. I have endless conversations with him and at times he agrees he needs to help out more, he tells me he doesn't know ho and will allow me to lead him and his children in to a life with structure and routines. .his kids are suffering from his lack of discipline and structure. He has rules that change every day depending on his mood. I never know what type of day we will have... I am afraid to speak because I have no way of predicting if my choice of words will be welcomed or if they will be considered nagging and gripping.  I have left several times and I come back because he promises he will try... sometimes he does and then he stops... if I don't complain he thinks all is great and when I tell him I am unhappy he says he doesn't get it because we have been getting along great.  I do not know what to do... Now that I know its ADD i understand but I feel so much anger and feel so much pain because I am constantly being blamed... I hear from him that I would rather be living in a clean home than to be happy... one day he tells me he will do whatever it takes to turn this marriage around and the next day he tells me he is tired of me trying to change him.   I am ready to leave him again for good... i love him but I cant see myself on this roller coaster any longer... although we have been married for less than 2 yrs i have dated him for almost 5.... i had no clue that he had ADD, he tried really hard while we dated... within two months of us living together our problems were always about responsibility, he feels i should take care of all the household chores and of his kids.... he wants to be the "good dad" out of guilt and leave all the discipline to me, i have refused to do this.... we have been to counseling for 20 months, to work on communication.....ADD was never addressed although towards the last 2 months of counseling he stopped going and the counselor advised me that my husband was either unwilling or unable due to a chemical inbalance.... after that i started to research this ADD topic.... when I told my husband two weeks ago that i thought he might have ADD, he calmly told me that he is taking meds for it ( he attended a VA counselor for some time in what i thought was to treat PTSD). I am so angy and sad at the same time that I have to pack myself up and my kids and leave, i have to start over, i gave up a good job to do a business with him just about 5 months ago, i have had so much faith and i have none today.