I have troubles! My husband was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated as a child. I know many many people who have the disorder, and all of them are married to someone who "balances them out". Which brings me to my problem; I'm pretty sure I have it too. Although I'm very intelligent, I'm extremely forgetful, can't remember to do the simplest tasks that everyone else can manage, I'm a poor listener, I get loud and rambunctious in social settings (to the annoyance of others), I'm scattered, disorganized, messy, wound up, have too much energy and trouble sleeping, I procrastinate, I'm always late, I'm bored easily, I lose things all the time, I forget to pay bills...the list goes on and on.
The trouble is twofold: one, what are you to do when you, as someone who can literally forget where they put their keys and not find them for another three days (IN HER PURSE!!)...what are you to do when you're the ORGANIZED element in the relationship?
Second, my husband seems to think that since I have never been diagnosed, his difficulties are somehow "worse" than mine and I feel like he uses it as an excuse to put all the work on me. Because, according to him, I'm "better at it" than he is. But the thing is, I'm NOT. It's sooooo hard, it's overwhelming, and I've tried to get across to him that, NO, actually it does NOT come naturally to me. I have to work very hard at it. I have endless lists, calendars, notes, post its, phone alarms, reminder systems and organizational techniques. And I still flake quite often. I need help. His help. And support. But I'm frustrated because when I try to get him to use any of these methods, he seems uninterested or acts like I'm just nagging or trying to control him or tell him what to do. Even if I ask politely or make suggestions, or ask that he do something immediately instead of putting it off and forgetting..(don't worry I don't say that!), he gets defensive. These things help me, and he's so unresponsive to even trying them. I feel like it's because it's easier to just put the responsibility on me even though it's too big a burden for me. He won't even learn how to set a reminder on his phone. If he needs to be reminded about something, he'll ask me to write a note. Why can't HE write it? I don't know, but if I don't write it, he won't write it, and then he won't remember and I'm inconvenienced just because he can't get up and write a note for himself! So I end up writing it for him. It's things like this that are so frustrating. On the one hand, I UNDERSTAND what he's going through to an extent because I have similar difficulties, but I'm really distressed by his lack of willingness to try any coping methods. Sometimes I feel like it IS an excuse for him. How can I get him to participate equally in managing our lives and his ADHD?