I must admit, I re-read some words last night that I had originally thought would be a huge catalyst in sending my relationship in a new direction:
"If you keep your boundaries, those who are angry at you will have to learn self-control for the first time, instead of “other control,” which has been destructive to them anyway. When they no longer have control over you, they will find a different way to relate. But, as long as they can control you with their anger, they will not change."
This is a quote from the book "Boundaries." http://www.boundariesbooks.com/articles/boundaries/others-resist-your-bo... (HELLO MR. ADMIN. I am not sure if this link is allowed. If it disappears, I will realize it needed to be removed :) )
I surely was NOT prepared to have had to deal with resistance for 4 years. LOL, I guess I STILL thought I had some sort of control over this relationship. Let's see, the Peace-at-all-costs game was a bust. Maybe the opposite will be the answer.
Where I am, is in a place of disappointment - that my change in behavior did little more to improve my relationship than the other behavior patterns I had been doing.
The light bulb of understanding popped on today. My change in behavior has lifted my self-esteem 99%.
From my perspective, I do not want to be in a relationship with a man who is angry, who denies things, and will not admit his behavior has anything to do with our relationship problems. Thus it is possible that the answer will be that I will leave, and he may not care. OK, I think he will care to some degree, but not enough to want to make it better.
As I have said often enough recently, and find it a very painful sentence to type: It is a bitter pill to swallow.