Hi All,
I have come here seeking advice from those that have dealt with this scenario. I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. He impressed me with being attentive and going out of his way to make sure I knew that he liked me. He is all ready to move in and bring our two families together. I have been noticing things starting to surface that I see have been mentioned as "issues", such as; telling him about a rough day and him not even acknowledging it. He may as how was your day, I have started saying fine, as the couple times I said awful, I was never asked why or that it even mattered. Not there for me at all emotional. Though he is quick to want me to listen to what is wrong in his world. I am also worried about the sex issue that I have read about, not initiating or seeming be distant. He is constantly telling me things I need to do around the house and is quite blunt about things not taking into consideration how it would be taken. He gets very upset if he feels he is not appreciated for what he may have done any little thing. I know he loves me and really thinks we can make this work, but after reading comments and other articles I am having my doubts. I am sure this would hurt him, however; I was in a relationship once that I had to do it all and I don't want to go there again, don't want to make a hasty decision either. Advice,,,,please.
Caution
Submitted by jackrungh on
All situations are different, but to me this seems to be way too much way too fast. At three months you still are supposed to be in a honeymoon phase and these kinds of glaring warning signs should be totally obscured by the thrill of the new relationship. I would advise against moving in together, and instead have an honest conversation about your concerns. If he is unable to have this conversation, that is just another red flag.
Again, I don't know you or him or your situation, but my gut says that at three months this kind of reality butting into the early relationship fairy tale is a major problem. Slow down. Be willing to leave before blending your lives and forming an ultimately unhealthy attachment that makes for years of potential unhappiness.
Thank you!
Submitted by Autumninme on
I being me and wanting to know that I don't want to make the same mistakes/relationship i had before, have been making myself aware of similarities or things that are not on my lists of must haves (no, it is not a long list, but a few very important items) I agree that should be in "bliss phase" which I kind of attributed to our both being married before, children and responsibilities. Falling into a familiar routine again sort of speak. I am not going forward with moving in as I agree would be a big mistake. I am also taking time to jot down on a letter my concerns, as others in this situation have mentioned, so that we may talk about them. He also has OCD which he says plays a part in his tendencies as well...LOL I am trying to open and cautious, I just want to make the right decision for myself and my girls, not miss a great guy, but not spend a lot of precious time with "what ifs" . As well all know easier said then done when not black and white :)
History repeats
Submitted by Standing on
I was in a relationship once that I had to do it all
Hello, Please give deep consideration to why you are in another such relationship, feeling that you have to do it all and not getting your needs met.
You write: I am sure this would hurt him, however
My advice to you is - focus on that However
Your relationship, as you've described it, is a one way street toward a likely dead end. Please take care.
Thank you
Submitted by Autumninme on
I appreciate your thoughts and taking the time to comment. I will surely keep these in the forefront in moving forward :)
RUN
Submitted by CrystalBlueSunshine on
Hi;
I have suffered for 21 years. If I knew then what I know now. My children are suffering now. This marriage to this man with ADD and OCD is slowly killing me. I have serious health problems because of it. My life is destroyed. Boyfriend of 3 months and you don't live together? You have children and they are not his? Sorry for being so blunt as the other posters on here seem so PC and this IS my first day on here and I DID have had a horrible day and horrible last 21 years and had a blow up fight in front of the kids AND doing everything all the time with NO help and haven't slept for two days.....but this is my advice to you: RUN. RUN AS FAST AND AS FAR AS YOU CAN. Don't look back. I learned today that ADD/ADHD can be masked for the first two years of a relationship due to the high of dopamine from the infatuation of new relationships but you are only in this for three months and this is affecting you already? RUN. Don't make the mistake I did. I wish someone had of told me what I just told you. Good luck.