Trigger warning: references to blood and bleeding.
I've been with my ADHD partner for 8 years. It's been a great relationship, partly because I committed to learning about ADHD and have made adjustments. I'm a very chilled and non-confrontational person. I'm a happy and sunny type, a little shy and reserved - he is the opposite.
So.....I never thought I'd ever say this, but I am now seriously considering leaving my partner. I'll explain:
He's never been able to hold down a job for long, which isn't usually an issue because he's self employed and earnings are high, even if he only does a couple of days. However, this last few months, he hasn't wanted to work. Him being from a wealthy family, I set expectations around this - I said, what with just me being the earner, if he wanted to maintain our lifestyle, he would need to ok this with his parents as they may need to help out (they usually do without issue).
Here's where it started to go terribly wrong. A couple of weeks ago, he called me and asked if I needed something sending as he was away. I said I was fine and just needed some minor and inexpensive supplies. He then snapped at me, said it was always down to him to sort money out and hung up! I didn't get the chance to tell him I've been earning and working mad overtime for several months because he's decided he didn't want to work for a bit and he asked me if I'd like anything ordering!
Roll on a few hours later, I randomly suddenly started to hemorrhage blood. At first, I thought it was my womanly/monthly thing - it wasn't. I lost so much blood, I'd left pools and trails of it everywhere and had to call an ambulance. The floors, sofa, bed and bathroom were like a murder scene. When I was sat on the loo pouring blood and clots and trying to deal with this and panicking - he was vile and nasty to me. When I say vile - I mean like he wanted me to bleed to death there and then and he wouldnt bat an eyelid. Cold. So cold. I'd told him in a panic what was happening over text - his response - he couldn't give a sh*t and I should go sort myself out and he was sick of me.
My loving partner :( after all these years together....he said that? All the while, I'm bleeding all over and waiting for the ambulance (I was rushed into hospital and couldn't be stabilised in the ambulance, my body was starting to shut down). I cannot get over the trauma of him saying that to me. I just can't. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears constantly. I can't get it out of my head, the horror of what I went through and what he said to me - I just cannot get over what he said.
When he came home after I was taken away to hospital, he arrived to the blood scene and stuff the ambulance people had left behind. I think this really shook him up and he suddenly couldn't do enough for me, even cleaning up the blood (he never tidies up!) and spending several hundreds of pounds getting me gifts and new clothes. I think maybe he thought I was lying and the reality of the situation really shook him up. He apologised to me over and over, said he had an ADHD meltdown over something unrelated and trivial and I got the harsh end of the stick with it. He said he is immensely happy in our relationship and wouldn't change me for the world. I am very confused.
I can't tell you how traumatic everything was and to have the person I love the most turn on me like that. I just can't move forward with it. I feel anxious to be around him. I do not believe that he loves me - he can't?! You can't love someone and do that...? If I did that to him, I wouldn't want to live with myself.
At that time when I was going through this, my friends were piling on the support - one of my friends was minutes off jumping in his car and driving the 400 miles to accompany me. Other friends were terrified and lining up to be at the hospital, to come around and help clean up, to cook, to give me a lift home from the ward. Him: I got nothing but abuse.
We have gone from blissfully happy to me feeling absolutely dead inside. I am putting on a brave face and making out everything is good, but this is haunting me all the time. I'm such a reserved and quiet type, I don't deal with confrontation well anyway :( Any advice or kind words? I need 'em x thank you.