I googled the words "partnering with spouse who doesn't". And the first site that came up is add.org. with an article written by Melissa. She includes "Six steps to Nurturing A True Partnership." http://www.add.org/page/ADHDandMarriage All of this and Melissa's messages are about TWO people working together. One cannot do it alone in a RELATIONSHIP no matter how good a non-ADD spouse is at responses, no matter how hard ad ADDer tries, ONE person ALONE cannot do a partnership. We can each be whole people by ourselves but being a COUPLE means partnering.
I then read an article by Aasif Mandvi called "Everything I've Done in My Career Has Terrified Me" - Google it. "There have been many of those on my path toward success. I have spoken to people about collaboration with others and it’s true, nothing can be achieved without collaboration." I would suggest this reading...it is VERY inspiring morning reading.
Some of the quotes from the article: "I wake up everyday thinking about all the stuff I have failed at." ".....Mother Teresa. She is believed to have said: 'I do what I do, because there is a Hitler inside of me.' I love that quote because it sums up the human condition. It’s about integrating your dark and your light, it’s about doing battle with the thing in yourself that terrifies you the most, or the thing that you hate about yourself."
Those of us on these "self help" sites have a demon inside of us raging to make a change and we are gathering information to make that change. We have a discontentment brewing inside that wants to find the daring to have an effect on a difficult or uncomfortable situation. We have a need to be heard and we have a need for a community. There is something lacking in our lives and we are itching to fill that need. We WANT so terribly badly to have that need be filled by the person who promised to be a partner on our wedding day. It's not happening. Someone in our lives does not want to partner with us and we can't do it alone.
It seems the only people who have had some success including Melissa are those who have physically removed themselves from the lives of the ADDers at least for a time. It is the kick in the pants that gets the attention of the unaware partners. Our tears and cries for help seem to be annoyances to the ADDer who is focused on other things and believes our lives are fine the way they are if only we, the non-ADDer, would just be happy and talk nice and keep doing what we are doing.
I recommend reading the above article "Everything I've Done in My Career Has Terrified Me". Some of us have been on this site for literally years....sadly. This article gave me support to DO the things that are scarey. As he says, he "...fired the “voices of treason” in my head and I hired some new writers instead."
I am doing work on myself. It is all I can do. I must stop being a girl wanting to be rescued and grow up to be my own writer of my own story. I must stop being the victim and must change into the survivor - no into the proud, beautifully strong woman that I once was. That means having a voice in my own life. It means daring to go where i am afraid to go. It means speaking up and letting the chips fall where they may. I may not have a willing partner but I have a whole life to live.