The "C2J Talk" (Come to Jesus) - how to have it??

Non-ADHD spouse here. Its been a tough few years. I know this is not where I envisioned myself to be at this stage of my life and I'm understanding and learning how to make changes so that in 5 years (or whenever) I'm still not in this same spot. 

However, all signs are pointing to a hard, but badly needed, Come To Jesus Talk - you know, the one talk where you gotta lay it on the table because you realise that it's not only the unmanaged ADHD, but also includes unmanaged anxiety and depression. And its permeated your (My, as the non-adhder) entire life , its affected and changed the kids, and you've had enough. It's time to press the reset button or its time for you, the non-adhder, to make changes that potentially have a destruction element to to them because you know you can't live like this anymore. 

There's a great article post by Melissa in this forum that's aimed towards getting through to the men with ADHD and who thinks it doesn't matter that they aren't getting treatment. And i recently listened to a Dr John delony podcast with him speaking to a man who said he couldnt live up to his wife's expectations, but when Dr John dived further, found that the man really didn't listen and forgot the whole point of his marriage and life: you gotta love yourself first and you're worthy more than your paycheck. 

I'm considering send those both to my hubsand as a must-read and then forcing him to talk to me about it. I've already written a letter to him, he gave out to me because I hand wrote it and he has dyslexia so it felt like he was more pissed I expected to actually read what I wrote, we've never spoken about my letter again. And the kicker is his best friend wrote him a letter too, typed out, more pages than mine....and he spoke with his friend about his letter but ignored mine. 

(As I type that above, I'm wondering if I should make a list of all the big things that have hurt me so badly and how they aren't acceptable to me to treat me like this - but they are acceptable bc I've accepted them, right?...i struggle with this on the daily) 

I genuinely understand that we have changed, as a couple and individually, it's normal and should be welcomed, but I'm at the point that something has to give and change for our relationship or we need to choose a different path that perhaps doesn't involve each other. Talking to him is beyond frustrating - it gets no where. No amount of calmness, finding the right moment...anything ever helps any point of communication between us. For every topic. It's so upsetting. I just want my husband back and I want a partner. I signed up for that. But what I living is not in line with who I am, what I about or my values- I know this.... so I'm wondering if any of you have had The Talk and how you best went about it. 

Everyone's situation is different, I know, but for those of us as the non-adhd (or executive functioning or over functioning person)...when you know you've had enough and you need the roller coaster to STOP, and pause.... how did you do it??