can ADHD traumatize non ADHD spouse? help please

I have been with my partner for 3 years (I am the non-ADHD partner).  He has known since he was a child that he had ADHD and was medicated for it at a young age but stopped taking medication up until about a month ago.  At first he seemed so charming and great with my children, understanding and fun and spontaneous.  Sine then, he has done many things that have harmed my sense of security and safety in the relationship including: not following through, repeatedly apologizing for behaviors that he then does again less than a day later (always with a new apology), interrupting and talking over me constantly, misquoting me and acting generally EXTREMELY defensive whenever I have any opinion about anything, baiting me by asking me lots of questions and getting angry when I don't answer but making it into hours long debates when I do, obsessing about all my past decisions, friends, ex-partners and insisting on criticizing and talking about my past constantly (when I don't answer his questions he tells me I'm not being open..we never talk about his past), not being there for me emotionally, and acting in what appears to be completely selfish manner a lot of the time (eating all the food in the house, leaving the house without leaving me any money or a phone), cheating, taking calls during dinner, ruining holidays by creating conflict, lying, acting out hours and hours of drama when something bad happens to him and expecting support that he doesn't give anyone else, making promises to the children that he doesn't keep, losing himself for days in the computer, numerous projects, etc. then getting angry when I want to listen to music for a few minutes or watch a tv show, and worst of all not respecting any of my personal boundaries (following me all over the house when I beg him to give me time to cool off, going through my wallet and "cleaning it out for me" or taking my credit card and forgetting to return it, embarassing me in front of my family (when I ask him to stop he argues about the validity of my embarassment and continues to do it).  It has gotten to the point where I stay up really late at night just to have a few hours where there is some peace in the house and no arguing.  This year we got in a car wreck while I was 6 months pregnant (he has been in numerous collisions..though this was a rear end), a lost job and a move.  The constant stress and emotional overload of dealing with all of this and feeling that nothing I do will make it stop or give me a moment of peace or allow me to be an individual has changed my personality.  I have gone from being a relatively calm and patient person to having a short temper, getting so angry I explode, constant anxiety over getting in the car with him, going to bed with him, or just doing normal everyday things (he often gets angry over disjointed things like "you closed the door too hard" "you didn't squeeze my hand back when I squeezed yours" "you looked at me funny" etc.  Most recently he got angry because I asked him what he was having for dinner.)  I am basically scared to do anything and I feel traumatized and terrorized.  I have often felt there is no way out and my efforts to discuss these things with him have ended in SOME very very slow change on his part but also hundreds of hours of communication effort on my part that end up feelings completely wasted...he forgets I said things 5 seconds after I say them, agrees to things does them anyway then sais he "didn't understand" what he agreed to, etc.  I explain things over and over and over and he apologizes over and over and over.  I am certainly not making any generalized statements about others with ADHD..but I just want to know is all of that normal.. or is it abuse?  i am desperate and could really use some feedback/support/anything you have to offer.  I talk to no one about these issues and we cannot afford a therapist.  Thanks.