I realize that many of the ADHD spouses have good jobs and are good providers but this is directed to those who are experiencing the same situation as I am. I married my husband 7 years ago and he relocated to be with me. He assured me he was in a field that he could work from just about anywhere, where as I have a client based business that I couldn't move. Over the past 7 years he has had over 40 jobs, most of which he has quit but he has been fired from a few. He has had some health issues and is now more limited in what kind of jobs he can accept but most of the jobs he has quit have been jobs he can do. He always has an excuse why he can't do the job. I notice he has these same sort of excuses as to why he doesn't do household chores (but that's a different post). One of the excuses he uses is that he has never had so many problems finding and keeping a good job as he has had since he has moved here. He blames the state and the kind of people who live here. He says if I would be willing to move he could find a good job and support me.
Here is my dilemma...I don't make enough to support two people. My business barely supports me. I need my spouse to help financially otherwise I would be better off on my own. I have provided everything for us for the entire marriage (the home, the vehicles, the credit to get things we needed) and I'm tired of struggling and being stressed out all the time because I'm having to be the one to keep a roof over our heads and put food on the table. I wonder what he would do if there was no food or no shelter? So I have actually considered moving with him and making it very clear that he would have to support me from now on. The problem is that if I walk away from my business and my home there is no going back. And do I really believe he will get a good job and keep it? Not really. I would like to believe he would, but from what he has shown me it doesn't seem likely.
Is there any hope that he can become a responsible provider? He says he wants to support me. He says he doesn't want me to work so hard and be stressed all the time. But if that was really true wouldn't he have found a solution by now?
I'm tired of being the sole provider, I can't handle the stress anymore. I feel like I'm losing my sanity. But I fear that as long as we stay here and he knows I have a job that can provide what we need (even though it's barely providing) he will know he is being cared for and not have much motivation to stick with anything himself. I feel like I'm enabling him to be irresponsible. But if I turn the tables and force him to be the provider it could definitely backfire on me. I don't like the idea of being homeless and hungry!