Almost every book and article I've read mentions how most nonADHD spouses get into the habit of nagging and criticizing, etc. In our house, that didn't happen. When I would ask for him to take something on or to help, he would get so angry, even though I was only asking. Very often, that very first request would elicit the "stop nagging me" accusation, even though it was the first request. And I wanted to avoid his anger so much that I didn't ask anymore. Plus, he didn't get angry and then change later. He just got angry. Eventually we stopped talking about much of anything concerning the family. I've just always run the house and the family, and he seems to like it that way.
But no one talks about what changes to make when the nonADHD spouse withdraws. That's clearly me. I know it probably isn't a good coping method, either. (For one, I enabled him to just keep avoiding doing anything he didn't want to do besides go to work and do his hobbies. And for two, I have to somehow be ok with him not being happy.)
So... can we discuss this? Am I in some tiny minority?