Submitted by NonADHD on 03/01/2016.
Do you think it's possible to have ways (techniques) to re-set your spouses hyperfocus back onto you if it has shifted away? Hyperfocus is what we non-ADHD spouses feel and fall in love with during the romancing early stages and find it wonderful. As we marry and time goes on, we non ADHD spouses begin to notice a drastic change in our marriage. Due to the ADHD symptoms, we begin to see our spouses turn away from us to more external stimulating criteria. Has anyone tried different approaches to get that focus back to you?
This Won't Work NonADHD
Submitted by kellyj on
Hyper-focus has nothing to do with emotions. It's a nuts and bolts mechanical mechanism ( hard wiring issue ). It is applied to thing of interest but not necessarily. It can also be applied to things that you are not interested in or you don't like as well. If you are referring to the beginning of your relationship (the honey moon phase ) and being the only thing he was interested in (you) intensely by hyper-focing on you. That is hyper-focus plus how he felt about you happening at the same time. Take away the hyper-focus and it would be the same thing but just not as intense and just not as singularly focused at the exclusion of everything else.
If that's what you are referring to......I don't think you can ever recreate that again in your relationship or at least.....it won't be the same as it was like that ever again. Saying for everyone ADHD or not. Hyper-focus just made it even more intense for you and him at the same time but it's not the reason for the way you felt. The same for him too.
In fact.....I hyper-focus on my wife all the time when I am really with her and focusing only on here but it's not the same as when we first met and started dating if that helps answer your question? I know you were only asking in terms of non-ADHD spouses but I also didn't want you to get your hopes up in that way since what you are asking really isn't possible......that is in relationship to Hyper-focus specifically?
J