I would love to know how many other wives of ADHD husbands have found that they have a persistent cannabis habit - that does not escalate into drug addiction, but that probably makes their ADHD symptoms worse? I was terribly naive about this as well, believing him when he promised to give up when we got married, and then when I noticed he was sitting at home smoking instead of getting a job, when the first baby was born. Of course he did not, but sort of learned to hide it from me. I also always wanted to believe his promises. I think now that he was stoned all the time, and I don't know what he is like not stoned. I read on another site that cannabis is by far the most common form of self medication for ADHD, leading to all kinds of other problems. I now realise that he 'cared for' our youngest son while stoned a lot of the time, not surprising he let him go to a large public park alone aged 9, without even a telephone on several occasions after I left him. I was intent on being decent and honourable about making sure youngest saw his father - luckily I found out about this behaviour and was so shocked I did not even get angry, but managed to put a stop to it. 

Hi there, I am a wife with

Hi there,

 I am a wife with ADHD married to a husband with ADHD (inattentive type) and I have to say that I smoked it almost daily from about age 17- 29 or so. I am 35 now. If it were not illegal- I would still smoke it- but once I had my first kid- it became too big of a risk- I don't need to engage in anything that could bring the criminal law to my door or threaten to break up my family... That's too bad for me because I am an alcoholic and have been sober 11.5 years and cannabis is something that I enjoyed and didn't have a problem with. I would never ever use it around kids.  I didn't even like to be around anyone (I like to be in control and in control of my image). It's different for everyone- but for me- it was a benign thing. It calmed me down at the end of a day and 'gave me a break from myself'. My brain and emotions are so intense that it can be literally painful and exhausting just being me. And I didn't know at the time That I had ADHD. So I probably was self-medicating... But I am a high achiever and still got great grades at the top law school in the country... I only smoked in the evenings after my work or studying was done. Now it's crappy tv or working out.

I have a few friends though who have ADHD and who smoke a lot of cannabis, for whom it is a big problem. My one friend was kicked out of the house by his fed-up wife who was prepared to tolerate his behaviour before their child was born- but now will not. In his case- the major issue is financial- they have nothing- so when he spends all his money on it- that's grocery money or diaper money they don't have. I totally understand where she is coming from. If your spouse gets high in the day time and hangs around your children- that is brutal. I am so sorry. I don't even know what advice to give there. Big hugs to you.

Cannabis is like alcohol- some people can have a little an be okay and others have a real problem moderating it. But it sounds like your ex has a problem. I don't really know how to help or what to say- but I hope your kids are okay and you can figure this one out. 



Linsy's picture

Thank you for sharing

I think it is a big problem for my husband. It is where he goes instead of facing up to reality - he has a wife and three children, whom he has abandoned, because the wife would keep telling him that things had to change if they were to stay together - quote 'if you stand to close to me and shout in my face once again, that will be the end'. When things just got steadily worse, that wife decided to put her children first (whom she felt she might be able to help - and this happened in the three years since) ahead of her husband, even though she had 'helped' him for years - probably in fact enabled him - as she came to the conclusion that a, her nerves were shot, and b, he was not going to be 'helped' but would continue to drift along, erupting with rage whenever his chosen 'lifestyle' was commented on - or even for no reason but his 'feelings'. And nobody, but literally nobody else, was allowed to have 'feelings' at all. I don't blame cannabis, I don't blame anyone or anything. I have three children, I am a very fortunate women. 

Awwww... I read through your

Awwww... I read through your posts and I am sorry your husband chose not to address any of his issues and instead put his head in the sand. I think you're a great mum and your priorities are dead on.

good luck with your boys. I hope you have some lovely time with them over the holiday week. 

Hang in there!

Linsy's picture

Thank you!

We are having a good time. We have borrowed a little dog and the boys are enjoying that a lot. I think you sound very impressive and I am interested in your interpretation of cannabis effect on you. I think my husband's mind is all over the place, that it must be unbearable for him, which is why he is able to live so entirely in denial. For years I could feel him retreating behind huge high walls, where he could not hear anything I or anyone close to him said.