I have tried.
I've been pleasant, kind, gracious, communicative, appreciative, and loving.
We have been together all day long at work for a year and a half, so my firm resolve to pursue a sense of normalcy for MYSELF, regardless of his antics, has been quite noticeable.
I do not discuss money with him anymore. I keep the books and review the balance sheets with his business manager. The business manager tells him, "Do not spend any money." Last night, I got shouted at because of that.
The experience was just like years ago, when he would go on and on and on about how he perceived that I was undercutting his authority with my son (because i would not stand by and allow him to twist reality).
It was just like the hours and hours I used to listen to him fume about how "you laugh and have fun with the kids, with the dogs, not with me".
hours and days and weeks and YEARS and nothing has changed with him.
But i have changed. This lasted 10 minutes max. I stood nose to nose with him, matched his volume, did not wither or retreat, and continued to repeat that I will not he held reaponsible for his paranoia or insecurity. I will not. (I used to say "can not".)
i will not be accused, i will not be told what i think or how i feel. I will not work or live in such conditions and i will not have this conversation again. Then i walked away.
He apologized shortly afterward. He needs me there today. Business manager's day off. I will be there.
Next week i will work 20 hours max. I will assist; i will not carry the burden.
That reminds me. I told him, What you are seeing is adults relating as adults. The unspoken follow up is: rise up to the challenge if you want to feel like a part of the team.