I'm new here....and have so much I'd love to shout out at some people who may understand. For years my mom and sis were telling me my husband was ADHD and only a few years ago did I realize it's probably true.
Our entire marriage has been a struggle from the beginning...started with the wedding plans and giving the DJ and Pastor the wrong month for the ceremony, got worse when we bought a house and I had to do everything and found out he had been hiding serious debt, bad checks, a warrant for his arrest for fraud b/c of bad checks and student loans. We moved from stable jobs and good income b/c he found his 'dream job" and was laid off from it 6 months later, throwing us into major debt. When we became pregnant with our first child I realized I'd have to work from home b/c he didn't make enough to support us, so I am now the bread winner and have been for awhile, it keeps a roof over our heads. We have had constant money strugges...I am frugal and financially motivated. I thought by now I'd have a good savings and a nice house but I feel like he has been holding us back. I spent 6 years paying down the debt he(we) created (he was constantly taking my credit card and using it) and can't rely on him to pay any bills. I tried once and spent hours on the phone rectifying it with the credit card company when he didn't send in enough money!! He spends his money willy nilly, wants his big lawn mower and the biggest problem he is CONSTANTLY breaking things! I can not tell you how many shovels, rakes, snow blowers, roof rakes, saws, drills, furniture etc he is always breaking. And it's always an "accident" or "unintentional". Now the car accidents... 4 deer, a stop sign, a turkey, a frost heave (which required engine replacement b/c he was going so fast it punctured his oil pan and then he drove his car to work...his brand new car) and just recently another car. I can't take it...$1500 for his blown lawn mower engine..he doesn't take care of anything. His brand new car is now disgusting with burns and coffee spilt all over...it's so gross I can't let the kids in it!!!
It's bad enough he's a money drain but I can't rely on him for anything. I can't even let him have a phone conversation and expect to relay a message properly. I can't tell you how many appointments have been messed up b/c he didn't write down the correct date or forgot to write it down at all. We had to pay over $600 for our bathroom b/c his miscommunication with the contractor who he said OK'd the shower we bought (I guess he didn't!).
When our kids were real little (7 and 5 now) I was scared to leave him alone with them...he left broken glass in our kitchen that our son cut himself on, he leaves his lighters and matches all over!!, I am always catching his safety hazards.
The good parts...he does help with the kids, he does mow the lawn, he does work 40 hours per week, he does try to please, he helps with the house only after I get frustrated with the mess. Financially I pay ALL the bills....he gives me $600-800 a month from his check (he only makes $11/hr) and I have to nag him for it and then he gets pissed b/c I'm nagging him. I'm always like I shouldn't HAVE to nag you, you should WANT to support your family and pay a portion of YOUR bills! He wants wants wants but doesn't earn. I do everything...I schedule all the car maintaince, oil changes, insurance, house insurance, bills, inspections, health insurance paperwork on top of my working from home. And we have 2 kids with medical challenges and I organized and schedule all their doctors appointments. I do online garage sales to earn extra money....and then he usually spends it by "breaking" something.
The lastest is he has a crush on one of my friends. I know it and he thought I didn't...it was obvious. So he was so excited to go up and see her and I called him out on it..he said OK yes he likes her but would never act on it b/c his marriage is important to him. I don't know....it's 50/50 I am up and down..I love him but then I never pictured myself to have this life. I feel trapped. And now his MOTHER LIVES WITH US and she is so lazy she sits on her butt all day and watches TV and eats and smokes and drinks coffee. It's disgusting. At this point he's a good father....it's better then being single I guess, I don't see us together when the kids are grown....I'll be done raising my kids then and don't need one more, that's what it feels like, I'm his mother. I have to tell him to brush his teeth for peete's sake!
I am just venting.....I'll write a more productive post later... he has many many good solid points I just need to rant about the bad right now...lol.